Let's talk about SEX and aging

By Kelly May

While working on this season of Define Yourself, the topic of aging and sexuality has come up more than once. As women age, many feel less attractive than they did once upon a time. Whether it is getting re-acquainted with your partner and trying to re-ignite a spark or starting over with new relationships, exploring sexuality as we age can be fun and quite frightening.

So let’s get to the juicy part, sex. It seems that women of a "certain age" aren't expected to be as sexual as they once were. Why is that? It's sad that there are women who buy into the stereotype and accept the notion that getting older equates to being less desirable and therefore less sexual. They are missing out on a life filled with sexual possibilities. If a woman chooses to subscribe to that channel, I suppose it's fine but what about those women who want to be desired and who want to enjoy a long lasting, healthy sexual life?

So, yes, dating and sexual experiences with new partners (or old ones) can be daunting. Even daunting enough to take any spark out of it! I understand this, especially since it seems like so many men are now accustomed to dating women half their age. Women who are seemingly confident and not worried about sagging boobs and the after effects of having children ‘the mummy tummy’ and general effects of gravity. Who can compete with that? I say, you can't and why would you want to? As women age, we also gain valuable insight and knowledge of ourselves and our bodies. So if anything, we should be looking for the younger man. The answer is...the smart woman knows that being sexy and desirable is all a state of mind. Confident and self-assured...now that's sexy.

So, get inspired to tap into your sexuality. You might even want to leave the lights on!!

Sign up to receive webisode alert notices for Season 3 (coming in September, 2009) to discover how our cast members feel about aging and sexuality. You may be surprised.

Which 'aging' type are you?

Do you know what type you are? Has it changed over the years? It has for me. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I was more more of an Upkeep for Me, leaning towards a High Esthetic attitude. I wouldn't think of leaving the house without hair done, lipstick, eyeliner and a cute little outfit on. What if there was a hot guy at the store? I also thought that as I got older I would consider cosmetic enhancements. (Let's just say I am no Dolly Parton and in fact, have become less and less like Dolly after each of my three children). Skip ahead a decade and things are definitely different. My attitude has changed. Now, at 36, my outlook on my appearance has changed. I WILL leave the house without a stitch of makeup and my hair in a ponytail. I don't consider whom I might bump into when running errands. I will, however, dress up when the occasion warrants dressing up. If I'm at work, I dress appropriately and put on my version of day makeup (concealer, blush and lipstick/gloss). If I'm going out for dinner/drinks in the evening, I might glam it up a little more...add some liner and mascara for the dramatic evening look. I am now a Practical Maintainer. I do what I can when I have the time and I'm open to learning about the newest in cosmetic products and treatments. However, my outward appearance is just not my main concern anymore. I wonder how I'll feel in another decade?

Working with our cast, showed me that I am not alone. Generally, we all go through different stages in life which help shape and mold our view points on everything including aging. If you haven't already, take our Which Type Are You Poll. You may be suprised at the outcome. Watch Season 3 beginning in early September and learn who you identify with the most. It may be one, two or all depending on where you are in your life right now.

A dynamic, surprising cast of women

Posted by Kelly May, Production Assistant, DefineYourself.ca

The casting process for Define Yourself Season Three was an eye opening experience for me. Being a very opinionated (some might say judgemental) person, I had very set ideas about what I was getting myself into. Specifically, I had pre-conceived notions about the ladies on the opposite ends of the spectrum. I expected our Naturalist to be the stereotypical “crunchy granola, Birkenstock wearing, tree-hugging” woman who shuns anything and everything to do with her physical appearance. At the other end, I expected our High Esthetic to be a self-absorbed, egotistical, narcissistic, high maintenance type, who is plastic from head to toe. I expected to completely disagree with both of them and perhaps even dislike them a little. You see, I am a Practical Maintainer and so are most of my friends, give or take a few who fall on either side of me (Simple is Best or Upkeep for Me). What I didn’t expect was to find both our Naturalist and our High Esthetic to be perfectly lovely people both whom I identify with on different levels. It’s amazing how closed-minded we can be when we choose to stereotype. I guess that is what DefineYourself.ca is all about. Opening our eyes to people who are different than us and understanding their personal choices. you are going to love these women! Stay tuned to meet our cast coming early in September.

Check out our recent Thrive e-newsletter

Life after 40. The view gets better from here.

By DefineYourself.ca Community Member, Cathy Nave

I can’t believe I’m not 20 anymore, my mind sometimes thinks I am, but my body reminds me of my 40 something years of age. I’m not getting any younger, when I look in the mirror the wrinkles around my eyes and the grey roots under my blonde highlights reveal my age. Thank goodness for Miss Clairol. I’m not obsessed with staying young like Suzanne Somers, but I do believe that our health is something we should take seriously and we need to accept our age and love each stage as we get older.

I’m ok with getting older. In fact I look forward to it. I feel comfortable about whom I’ve become and the choices I’ve made in life, I’m no longer consumed with what others think of me. My self worth has actually taken a positive turn and I’m content with the way my life has turned out, except for a few small things. I know friends who aren’t as happy with the way life has treated them, they’re more apprehensive about getting older and believe they need more time to achieve their goals, they’re feeling the pressure that time is running out and they’re doing anything to stay young, which I endorse if it gives them happiness and makes them feel they are somehow turning back the clock if only for a short time.

What is the secret of aging? It has something to do with aligning our mind and body; at least that’s what “they” say. We can be happy by accepting what we have accomplished thus far in our lives and knowing we can’t change the past but can alter our future. And, understanding that our age is not a deterrent to fulfilling our life’s dreams. With our experience and hopefully with some wisdom under our belts, we know exactly how to go about getting what we want out of the rest of our lives.