Aging is a journey, not an event. Never say never!

By: Kelly May

When I was in my early 20s, I was much more concerned about the way I looked.  I wore more make-up then and didn’t dare go out without putting effort into it.  At that stage of my life, I entertained the idea of cosmetic enhancements for the future.  Nothing in particular, but I was definitely open to the possibilities.  Why wouldn’t I consider something that would make me look and/or feel better?

In my 30s, I was very sure...about not getting pulled into or swayed by cosmetic enhancement options.  My opinion was firm and non-negotiable.  Who needs cosmetic surgery?  I’m fine the way I am.  If people don’t like what they see, that’s their business.  Surgery is okay for other people but it’s not for me.  Why would I want to look anything but my age? All those thoughts ran through my mind.

Now, my mindset has changed again.  I am open to the various cosmetic choices that are available today.  I’m all for trying procedures that are non-invasive cosmetic maintenance options.  Who knows, in ten years I may be a high esthetic myself! 

So, I guess the idea here is to never say never. Never is a very strong word and if there is one thing I have learned, it is that the only constant is change  How can I be sure how I’ll feel in another 10 years?  I can’t!  Aging is not an event, it is a process.

Watch our latest webisode to learn more about how our cast feel about cosmetic choices.

Where We Came From

By: Kelly May

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.  Oscar Wilde

At some point in every woman’s life, she asks herself, “Am I turning into my mother?”  For a lot of us, the answer is yes, even if we don’t want it to be.  In most cases, it makes sense.  With nature and nurture, our mothers play a big role in shaping who we become as women. Period.  There are those of us that embrace growing into our moms and those that fight it every step of the way.

I can clearly remember my mom saying she hoped I had a child just like me.  And, so the evolutionary process of turning into my mother began.  I gave birth, several times.  I then started living my mom’s life. I woke up early in the morning, took care of my kids, went to work, came home, took care of my family and the house and then went to bed. Doing this repeatedly makes a person tired and cranky.

Instantly I started hearing myself saying things I promised I would never say.  I just couldn’t help it.  I guess those things are forever burned into my brain. They sound just as ridiculous when I say them as when she used to say them.  Ridiculous things such as “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?”

However, I do wish I was more like my mom in some ways.  She enjoys cooking and thinks of it as an art.  I, on the other hand, dislike cooking and think of it as punishment.  I do it because I need to feed my kids but I don’t think of it as a relaxing activity like my mom. 

I am happy to have my mom’s genes.  She is 62 and doesn’t have any wrinkles on her face.  I’m hoping that I follow in her footsteps. 

So, the next time you find yourself thinking that your mother is the last person you would want to turn into, ask yourself, “Would it be so bad to be like my mom?”

TURNING 40!

By: Grace 


I’ve been getting a lot of positive energy and uplifting messages from women who are either anxiously awaiting forty, or looking back at it as the best time of their lives.  Their honest stories are encouraging and uplifting, but…


That’s only part of the story.  All of us aren’t flying headlong into forty, feeling fabulous and embracing getting older. I’m asking women to be real here, so I guess that reality check has to start with me. There are things I DON’T like about turning forty and a few things I thought would be very different. I have a lot of plans and dreams that I hope to fulfill in my fortieth year, and I’m looking forward to taking on those challenges, but the reality, for me at least, is that not everything about turning forty has been fabulous.  And part of turning forty for me is being able to admit that. So, here are a few things that I don’t find at all fabulous about my road to forty…


That hair in the middle of my cheek
WTH? Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve seen you in my rearview mirror desperately plucking at your cheek, chin and/or upper lip (what is it about car windows that makes us think there’s some sort of shield blocking us.) And, It’s never apparent in the bathroom mirror, in the privacy of my own bathroom in the morning. No, it, the hair, always decides to rear its long, ugly head while I’m sitting across the table from some perfectly made up, facial hair-less neophyte. That hair in the middle of my cheek…yeah, I could do without that.


Snap, crackle pop
I remember when that was the sound cereal made when you poured milk on it. Now it’s the sound I hear when I am running…ok walking, up the stairs. Granted, it’s my fault, I have not done a great job of keeping in shape, so I’ll take all the blame. Nevertheless, it’s still not a sound, or feeling I enjoy. Which brings me to my next observation…


I’m still struggling with my weight
A more accurate description would be, my weight is still kicking my ass.  I suppose this is my issue, my cross to bear, the battle that when I win, and I did say when, I’ll achieve that next level of Zen. Nevertheless, I’m annoyed at myself for still struggling with it after all these years.


Speaking of a cross to bear
I used to have a photographic memory. Yes, it was decades ago, but I had it. I remember taking tests and closing my eyes, seeing a vision of a page in my mind’s eye, scrolling down to the section with the answer and seeing the words clearly. Would you believe me if I told you I had to double check to make sure I spelled the word “bear” properly when I used it above? In fact, I’m still not sure, but the other “bare” means naked right? And this is not that kind of blog. Believe me, caus’ if you ask me the next time you see me, I won’t remember.


Get glasses Alice
If you’re forty or older, you might remember a commercial back in the day when Alice needed glasses and her husband kept telling her “get glasses Alice!”  Fast forward a couple of decades and Alice is now me. In fact, I have quite a few additional, very clever “things I don’t like about turning forty” comments I’d like to make, but I can no longer see my keyboard. I know, I know…get glasses Grace.

Inner Conflict

By: Catharine Fennell

When it comes to the aging process, women almost always feel conflicted. We live in a world of mixed messages and it is natural that our feelings might be mixed as well. But that’s okay! Some days we wake up feeling strong and full of conviction and idealism. ‘Today, I am who I am. I am proud to be 58 and I will wear my wrinkles well!’ Other days we wake up tired, frustrated when we look in the mirror when the face that looks back at us doesn’t reflect the youth and vitality that we feel inside. It is on those days that we think that we could use a little help.

Your mother may have modeled a certain aging philosophy that you aspire to and follow. Or, the opposite.... perhaps you couldn’t be more different than your mothers. Our role as women and the ‘should’s’ that we live with daily and the messages that we send to our daughters and other women around us also play a factor in how we feel and what we choose to do. If I choose to undergo some kind of cosmetic treatment does that make me less of a woman? Less of a feminist? Less principled?

Aging and the way we feel about it is a really personal thing. It’s personal but that doesn’t mean we aren’t influenced by people and the things around us. Society. Younger women who may look a little more perky and fresh. Strong stoic women who age timelessly and beautifully. The double standard. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s reality and it happens to all of us from time to time.

Our choices about what to do or not do about it are our own and shouldn’t be judged by others. Whatever the decision, you can be sure that a lot of thought went into it. So gals, let’s not be so hard on each other!

Where We've Been & Where We're Going

By Kelly May

We've now released 3 webisodes of forty six from Season 3 and it's still as exciting as it was the day I started.  People that know me know that I get bored quickly.  I am adverse to doing the same thing every single day.  Working on Define Yourself always makes for an interesting work day.  So let's recap where we've been and where we're going.

Our production started with the casting process back in March.  That was an adventure and a great experience.  We met many wonderful women, each with an interesting story and a unique point of view, therefore making it almost impossible to choose.  In order to tell the story and have it appeal to the widest audience possible it was critical that we brought together a range of women factoring in age, diversity and overall aging attitude.  This made for a difficult selection process.  Eventually we arrived at what I can only describe as the perfect, eclectic cast of women. 

I had preconceived notions of what our cast members would be like and boy was I wrong.  I was and am still surprised daily by each of the women.  We are coming close to the end of the production while releasing webisodes from filming that we started back in April. The last series of webisodes  that we have filmed were events or treatments that the women experienced as part of the process.  Without giving anything away, I think you may be surprised at who did what.  You'll have to watch and see.

We have one more major event to shoot and a few smaller things to do and the shooting part of the season will be a wrap.  However, that doesn't mean the work is done.  There is so much more to putting together a season of Define Youself.  For example, we are currently working on putting together a video montage of viewers like you who want to express how they feel about aging.  Some want to participate by sending us their own videos and some want to be included in a session where we speak to people on the street.  Interested?  Click here to let us know. 

The next phase of the process is swinging into gear as we focus on communications and marketing of DefineYourself.ca   Over the next little while, I'll be working on letting everyone know about our show with daily tweets (visit us at www.twitter.com/define_yourself), regular blog postings and working with our partners to build our audience.  I truly believe that women of all ages will both enjoy and benefit from Define Yourself.  Not only is the show entertaining, it's also thought provoking.  There are so many facets to the aging process making the conversations limitless.

Lastly, we have already had a number of women express interest in being on Season 4.  If you are interested in being a cast member on Season 4, please let us know by visiting our subscribe page and checking the cast box to submit your information http://www.defineyourself.ca/subscribe.php

As Season 3 progresses, I look forward to getting to know you better, hearing your thoughts on the show and input for next year.

I hope you enjoy the upcoming webisodes!

Words of Wisdom

By Elizabeth Grant


Women are always coming up to me and asking how I do it.  I’ve been stopped in malls, airports, and walking down the street.  Women want to know- how can they look and feel their best at ANY age?  While there is no secret formula or fountain of youth, every woman can benefit from a little graceful aging advice.

I don’t stop- and when I say this, I mean that I don’t stop living life as I always have. I’m now in my late eighties, and I haven’t stopped my philanthropy, I haven’t stopped working, I haven’t stop traveling the world, I haven’t stopped learning, and most importantly- I haven’t stopped DREAMING.  Life does not stop at 40, 50, 60, or even 70.

My determination and perseverance also keeps me strong and young at heart.  I never lose sight of the fact I started my company in the 1950’s when it was very unusual for women to be running businesses.  As a younger woman, I faced many obstacles that I had to push through.  I suffered skin damage to my face and lost a great deal of confidence for a time.  But, I had (and still do!) dreams and goals and I pushed through. 

As a woman in my vintage years now, I face different obstacles. My philosophy is the same as it was in my younger years- keep following your dreams and maintain a passion for life in every aspect.  I have had amazing achievements at an age when most retire.  There is a new breed of women coming about and I am a part of it.  Today women are living longer, healthier, and happier lives than ever before- and that is why I wish to inspire you with the knowledge that it is never too late to follow your dreams.

For those of you who wish for a few quick simple tips for feeling and looking more youthful, here is my advice:

• Take care of your skin! Moisturize. Follow a skin care regime designed for your skin type.
• Stay out of the sun. Always wear sun block.
• Drink lots of water.  I drink at least 8 glasses a day.
• Get your beauty sleep.
• Exercise.  I still love to dance and I take the time to do it every day.

Just remember- you are as young as you feel.  I know I feel youthful and as a result, my vitality radiates from the inside out.

Wishing you all to look and feel your best and your greatest success at any age,

First webisode launches this week

Launched our first webisode this week!  Visit us at http://www.defineyourself.ca/ and meet the cast.

Season three launches September 8th

I am excited to be announcing the launch of Season Three of the http://www.defineyourself.ca/ award winning, web-based T.V. show, which tells the story of women 40+ and their experience of aging. This year’s cast includes five women ranging in age from 42-63 years and ranging in aging attitudes from the naturalist to the high esthetic. The third season’s stories will be released once weekly over 40 weeks starting next Tuesday September 8th when we will be releasing the meet the cast bios.  This week you will find season three cast teasers pre-released online for viewing.

 In its second season, Define Yourself won the prestigious Gold Quill award for excellence in electronic communications and programming and this year Define Yourself is expanding its online platform to include new media partners to be announced.
We are very excited about this season's cast and production which has a little something for every woman over 40.  Today we also launched our new website designed to streamline the presentation of a full year of webisodes to be released over the course of the year. 

You can sign up to receive weekly webisode e-lerts at http://defineyourself.ca/newsite/subscribe.php

It takes a lot to move me

This year's DefineYourself.ca web t.v. production has been a journey. Carefully selecting women, taking everything into consideration. Not to create a contrived outcome but to truly tell this story in the most honest, authentic way possible. To bring women together who would not necessarily relate or even get along. To take chances and risks with the hope that the whole story would come out. To hope that these women would open themselves up to the process and allow themselves to share their inner most feelings-- vulnerabilities, insecurities, fears and passion. This seasons production has been subtle, somber, inspiring, hilarious and surprising. It has taken twists and turns that none of us would have anticipated. And, it's not yet over.

I have been moved by this season. I am excited because I know that when women watch the first webisode they won't be able to stop watching. This season has a way of really drawing you in. I see some of myself in all of these women. Depending on the day, I relate to and enjoy each of these women differently. But mostly I am grateful to each of these women for opening themselves to this process-- not feeling compelled to present anything other than the plain truth (no matter how un-glamourous that can sometimes be) and in so doing, helping so many women to connect and feel a sense of belonging and 'I am not alone'.

You don't want to miss it. Take my word for it. Be sure to sign up to receive webisode e-lerts for the launch of Season 3 starting early September.

Let's talk about SEX and aging

By Kelly May

While working on this season of Define Yourself, the topic of aging and sexuality has come up more than once. As women age, many feel less attractive than they did once upon a time. Whether it is getting re-acquainted with your partner and trying to re-ignite a spark or starting over with new relationships, exploring sexuality as we age can be fun and quite frightening.

So let’s get to the juicy part, sex. It seems that women of a "certain age" aren't expected to be as sexual as they once were. Why is that? It's sad that there are women who buy into the stereotype and accept the notion that getting older equates to being less desirable and therefore less sexual. They are missing out on a life filled with sexual possibilities. If a woman chooses to subscribe to that channel, I suppose it's fine but what about those women who want to be desired and who want to enjoy a long lasting, healthy sexual life?

So, yes, dating and sexual experiences with new partners (or old ones) can be daunting. Even daunting enough to take any spark out of it! I understand this, especially since it seems like so many men are now accustomed to dating women half their age. Women who are seemingly confident and not worried about sagging boobs and the after effects of having children ‘the mummy tummy’ and general effects of gravity. Who can compete with that? I say, you can't and why would you want to? As women age, we also gain valuable insight and knowledge of ourselves and our bodies. So if anything, we should be looking for the younger man. The answer is...the smart woman knows that being sexy and desirable is all a state of mind. Confident and self-assured...now that's sexy.

So, get inspired to tap into your sexuality. You might even want to leave the lights on!!

Sign up to receive webisode alert notices for Season 3 (coming in September, 2009) to discover how our cast members feel about aging and sexuality. You may be surprised.

Which 'aging' type are you?

Do you know what type you are? Has it changed over the years? It has for me. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I was more more of an Upkeep for Me, leaning towards a High Esthetic attitude. I wouldn't think of leaving the house without hair done, lipstick, eyeliner and a cute little outfit on. What if there was a hot guy at the store? I also thought that as I got older I would consider cosmetic enhancements. (Let's just say I am no Dolly Parton and in fact, have become less and less like Dolly after each of my three children). Skip ahead a decade and things are definitely different. My attitude has changed. Now, at 36, my outlook on my appearance has changed. I WILL leave the house without a stitch of makeup and my hair in a ponytail. I don't consider whom I might bump into when running errands. I will, however, dress up when the occasion warrants dressing up. If I'm at work, I dress appropriately and put on my version of day makeup (concealer, blush and lipstick/gloss). If I'm going out for dinner/drinks in the evening, I might glam it up a little more...add some liner and mascara for the dramatic evening look. I am now a Practical Maintainer. I do what I can when I have the time and I'm open to learning about the newest in cosmetic products and treatments. However, my outward appearance is just not my main concern anymore. I wonder how I'll feel in another decade?

Working with our cast, showed me that I am not alone. Generally, we all go through different stages in life which help shape and mold our view points on everything including aging. If you haven't already, take our Which Type Are You Poll. You may be suprised at the outcome. Watch Season 3 beginning in early September and learn who you identify with the most. It may be one, two or all depending on where you are in your life right now.

A dynamic, surprising cast of women

Posted by Kelly May, Production Assistant, DefineYourself.ca

The casting process for Define Yourself Season Three was an eye opening experience for me. Being a very opinionated (some might say judgemental) person, I had very set ideas about what I was getting myself into. Specifically, I had pre-conceived notions about the ladies on the opposite ends of the spectrum. I expected our Naturalist to be the stereotypical “crunchy granola, Birkenstock wearing, tree-hugging” woman who shuns anything and everything to do with her physical appearance. At the other end, I expected our High Esthetic to be a self-absorbed, egotistical, narcissistic, high maintenance type, who is plastic from head to toe. I expected to completely disagree with both of them and perhaps even dislike them a little. You see, I am a Practical Maintainer and so are most of my friends, give or take a few who fall on either side of me (Simple is Best or Upkeep for Me). What I didn’t expect was to find both our Naturalist and our High Esthetic to be perfectly lovely people both whom I identify with on different levels. It’s amazing how closed-minded we can be when we choose to stereotype. I guess that is what DefineYourself.ca is all about. Opening our eyes to people who are different than us and understanding their personal choices. you are going to love these women! Stay tuned to meet our cast coming early in September.

Check out our recent Thrive e-newsletter

Life after 40. The view gets better from here.

By DefineYourself.ca Community Member, Cathy Nave

I can’t believe I’m not 20 anymore, my mind sometimes thinks I am, but my body reminds me of my 40 something years of age. I’m not getting any younger, when I look in the mirror the wrinkles around my eyes and the grey roots under my blonde highlights reveal my age. Thank goodness for Miss Clairol. I’m not obsessed with staying young like Suzanne Somers, but I do believe that our health is something we should take seriously and we need to accept our age and love each stage as we get older.

I’m ok with getting older. In fact I look forward to it. I feel comfortable about whom I’ve become and the choices I’ve made in life, I’m no longer consumed with what others think of me. My self worth has actually taken a positive turn and I’m content with the way my life has turned out, except for a few small things. I know friends who aren’t as happy with the way life has treated them, they’re more apprehensive about getting older and believe they need more time to achieve their goals, they’re feeling the pressure that time is running out and they’re doing anything to stay young, which I endorse if it gives them happiness and makes them feel they are somehow turning back the clock if only for a short time.

What is the secret of aging? It has something to do with aligning our mind and body; at least that’s what “they” say. We can be happy by accepting what we have accomplished thus far in our lives and knowing we can’t change the past but can alter our future. And, understanding that our age is not a deterrent to fulfilling our life’s dreams. With our experience and hopefully with some wisdom under our belts, we know exactly how to go about getting what we want out of the rest of our lives.

Season three coming soon....the aging dialogue continues

As we approach the launch of our third season for Defineyourself.ca web t.v. with a whole new terrific cast of women, I am contemplating how different we all are in our views on aging yet how we are bound together by so many common threads like wanting our outside to reflect how we feel on the inside. Like wanting to feel good in general. Like never actually feeling our age. Yet what we choose to do or not do on the exterior is what polorizes us as women. The term anti aging is a loaded one. I mean, where does the category start and stop? If you are pro anti-aging does that mean you generally are not a fan of the aging process or that you are physically going to do everything in your power to slow the hands of time and preserve your youth?

I want to dispell one myth which seems to be out there about www.DefineYourself.ca. We are not here to sell something or to shape a biased viewpoint or steer you in a direction. We are not pro anything... except for having women honestly share their stories and views around aging. Women across North America have told us how helpful it is to follow these women and their journeys of self exploration. It is the need we all have to relate and feel a sense of belonging with a group of community of women who are like minded. And, the natural curiosity we have about the unknown or unfamiliar-- something different from the way we see the world.

As we pull together this season I am very excited to tell this story again through the eyes of five dynamic women who you will all come to love.

Anti-Aging with Charla Krupp

So what is new in the land of the anti-aging? Take a look at http://www.loveantiaging.com, it's a blog based in Spain that looks at different products to help us gracefully age.

Speaking of which, who knows better about anti-aging techniques than our friend, Charla Krupp. Author of the bestselling book, ‘How to Not Look Old’, Charla can currently be seen talking about her tips on anti-aging in a video on YouTube. She really knows her stuff!

To link to what Charla had to say about women and aging in our exclusive interview, click here.

Survive or Thrive the aging process? Sign up for our e-newsletter if you haven’t already.