Inner Conflict

By: Catharine Fennell

When it comes to the aging process, women almost always feel conflicted. We live in a world of mixed messages and it is natural that our feelings might be mixed as well. But that’s okay! Some days we wake up feeling strong and full of conviction and idealism. ‘Today, I am who I am. I am proud to be 58 and I will wear my wrinkles well!’ Other days we wake up tired, frustrated when we look in the mirror when the face that looks back at us doesn’t reflect the youth and vitality that we feel inside. It is on those days that we think that we could use a little help.

Your mother may have modeled a certain aging philosophy that you aspire to and follow. Or, the opposite.... perhaps you couldn’t be more different than your mothers. Our role as women and the ‘should’s’ that we live with daily and the messages that we send to our daughters and other women around us also play a factor in how we feel and what we choose to do. If I choose to undergo some kind of cosmetic treatment does that make me less of a woman? Less of a feminist? Less principled?

Aging and the way we feel about it is a really personal thing. It’s personal but that doesn’t mean we aren’t influenced by people and the things around us. Society. Younger women who may look a little more perky and fresh. Strong stoic women who age timelessly and beautifully. The double standard. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s reality and it happens to all of us from time to time.

Our choices about what to do or not do about it are our own and shouldn’t be judged by others. Whatever the decision, you can be sure that a lot of thought went into it. So gals, let’s not be so hard on each other!

Canada vs the States: Cosmetic enhancements and vision of beauty and aging – the reactions

KaZ Brownlee
Creative Producer/Film and Television Consultant
Torfoot Inc.


So once I was having work done on my face for a while, I wanted to reflect on others saw me and how their reactions made me feel. First off, in Canada the emphasis on your age doesn't seem to be so crucial. I have never been asked my age by anyone in the biz and I work with fantastically talented and experienced women of all ages. Talent seems to win out more so than a size 2 body and a neatly pressed face.

I have become very proud of my fitness level and the shape I am in because I have worked tirelessly at obtaining it. OK, yes, I am a size 2 but I AM a little gal (5'4") and was always small. I only gained some weight after my later-in-life pregnancy and becoming more sedentary for a few years. I have gotten back into my working weight (I was a dancer, stunt woman, professional water skier and circus artist) and I am training clients now so I like to be a healthy example. However, I digress. 45, 46, 47, started to feel REALLY good to me and now at 49 I look in the mirror and think "You GO girl, the hard work has paid off".

I have become very comfortable in my skin and am not afraid to tell anyone who asks how old I am. Here's the rub...I was talking to a gal pal of mine in LA and the subject of age came up. I told her, 'Ya know, I am going to be 50 in January". And she said "Shut Up!" I said, "...no really, I am going to be 50". She said, "no, really, I mean you should shut up about it."

I guess the deer in headlights look I gave her said it all, so she explained - "When you look too good, you alienate people. They are insecure enough as it is so if you look too good, they just hate you." "Isn't that their problem?" I asked. Well, not if you are trying to work with them or get a project done, she told me.

So here's the dilemma, do I let myself go and not alienate these insecure, dysfunctional 'Hollywood' types or do I give them the one finger salute and carry on??? I think by now you can guess what my decision was. I wish I was a low maintenance gal but, alas, it was not meant to be. I have a friend who has had nary a thing done to her face and she can just slick some Vaseline on her lips, curl her eyelashes and step out into the world looking 30 at 56. Expletive deleted.

www.allthatkaz.com