Inner Conflict

By: Catharine Fennell

When it comes to the aging process, women almost always feel conflicted. We live in a world of mixed messages and it is natural that our feelings might be mixed as well. But that’s okay! Some days we wake up feeling strong and full of conviction and idealism. ‘Today, I am who I am. I am proud to be 58 and I will wear my wrinkles well!’ Other days we wake up tired, frustrated when we look in the mirror when the face that looks back at us doesn’t reflect the youth and vitality that we feel inside. It is on those days that we think that we could use a little help.

Your mother may have modeled a certain aging philosophy that you aspire to and follow. Or, the opposite.... perhaps you couldn’t be more different than your mothers. Our role as women and the ‘should’s’ that we live with daily and the messages that we send to our daughters and other women around us also play a factor in how we feel and what we choose to do. If I choose to undergo some kind of cosmetic treatment does that make me less of a woman? Less of a feminist? Less principled?

Aging and the way we feel about it is a really personal thing. It’s personal but that doesn’t mean we aren’t influenced by people and the things around us. Society. Younger women who may look a little more perky and fresh. Strong stoic women who age timelessly and beautifully. The double standard. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s reality and it happens to all of us from time to time.

Our choices about what to do or not do about it are our own and shouldn’t be judged by others. Whatever the decision, you can be sure that a lot of thought went into it. So gals, let’s not be so hard on each other!

Words of Wisdom

By Elizabeth Grant


Women are always coming up to me and asking how I do it.  I’ve been stopped in malls, airports, and walking down the street.  Women want to know- how can they look and feel their best at ANY age?  While there is no secret formula or fountain of youth, every woman can benefit from a little graceful aging advice.

I don’t stop- and when I say this, I mean that I don’t stop living life as I always have. I’m now in my late eighties, and I haven’t stopped my philanthropy, I haven’t stopped working, I haven’t stop traveling the world, I haven’t stopped learning, and most importantly- I haven’t stopped DREAMING.  Life does not stop at 40, 50, 60, or even 70.

My determination and perseverance also keeps me strong and young at heart.  I never lose sight of the fact I started my company in the 1950’s when it was very unusual for women to be running businesses.  As a younger woman, I faced many obstacles that I had to push through.  I suffered skin damage to my face and lost a great deal of confidence for a time.  But, I had (and still do!) dreams and goals and I pushed through. 

As a woman in my vintage years now, I face different obstacles. My philosophy is the same as it was in my younger years- keep following your dreams and maintain a passion for life in every aspect.  I have had amazing achievements at an age when most retire.  There is a new breed of women coming about and I am a part of it.  Today women are living longer, healthier, and happier lives than ever before- and that is why I wish to inspire you with the knowledge that it is never too late to follow your dreams.

For those of you who wish for a few quick simple tips for feeling and looking more youthful, here is my advice:

• Take care of your skin! Moisturize. Follow a skin care regime designed for your skin type.
• Stay out of the sun. Always wear sun block.
• Drink lots of water.  I drink at least 8 glasses a day.
• Get your beauty sleep.
• Exercise.  I still love to dance and I take the time to do it every day.

Just remember- you are as young as you feel.  I know I feel youthful and as a result, my vitality radiates from the inside out.

Wishing you all to look and feel your best and your greatest success at any age,

It takes a lot to move me

This year's DefineYourself.ca web t.v. production has been a journey. Carefully selecting women, taking everything into consideration. Not to create a contrived outcome but to truly tell this story in the most honest, authentic way possible. To bring women together who would not necessarily relate or even get along. To take chances and risks with the hope that the whole story would come out. To hope that these women would open themselves up to the process and allow themselves to share their inner most feelings-- vulnerabilities, insecurities, fears and passion. This seasons production has been subtle, somber, inspiring, hilarious and surprising. It has taken twists and turns that none of us would have anticipated. And, it's not yet over.

I have been moved by this season. I am excited because I know that when women watch the first webisode they won't be able to stop watching. This season has a way of really drawing you in. I see some of myself in all of these women. Depending on the day, I relate to and enjoy each of these women differently. But mostly I am grateful to each of these women for opening themselves to this process-- not feeling compelled to present anything other than the plain truth (no matter how un-glamourous that can sometimes be) and in so doing, helping so many women to connect and feel a sense of belonging and 'I am not alone'.

You don't want to miss it. Take my word for it. Be sure to sign up to receive webisode e-lerts for the launch of Season 3 starting early September.

Let's talk about SEX and aging

By Kelly May

While working on this season of Define Yourself, the topic of aging and sexuality has come up more than once. As women age, many feel less attractive than they did once upon a time. Whether it is getting re-acquainted with your partner and trying to re-ignite a spark or starting over with new relationships, exploring sexuality as we age can be fun and quite frightening.

So let’s get to the juicy part, sex. It seems that women of a "certain age" aren't expected to be as sexual as they once were. Why is that? It's sad that there are women who buy into the stereotype and accept the notion that getting older equates to being less desirable and therefore less sexual. They are missing out on a life filled with sexual possibilities. If a woman chooses to subscribe to that channel, I suppose it's fine but what about those women who want to be desired and who want to enjoy a long lasting, healthy sexual life?

So, yes, dating and sexual experiences with new partners (or old ones) can be daunting. Even daunting enough to take any spark out of it! I understand this, especially since it seems like so many men are now accustomed to dating women half their age. Women who are seemingly confident and not worried about sagging boobs and the after effects of having children ‘the mummy tummy’ and general effects of gravity. Who can compete with that? I say, you can't and why would you want to? As women age, we also gain valuable insight and knowledge of ourselves and our bodies. So if anything, we should be looking for the younger man. The answer is...the smart woman knows that being sexy and desirable is all a state of mind. Confident and self-assured...now that's sexy.

So, get inspired to tap into your sexuality. You might even want to leave the lights on!!

Sign up to receive webisode alert notices for Season 3 (coming in September, 2009) to discover how our cast members feel about aging and sexuality. You may be surprised.