Wear our experience?

If you’ve tuned into our latest webisode, you’ll hear our ladies talking about the treatments they had, how they felt before and during consultation, then after their respective procedures. Robina talks about being shy to disclose to her group of friends because of their pre-conceived notions about treatment. In the end, all were thrilled with the results, noting that it was the subtlety of their individual outcomes that were most pleasing. Friends and family noticed that they looked “fresh” and “great” without knowing that they had had anything done.

So, is it how we feel about ourselves or how others view us that guides our decisions? And, as more of the “post raising kids” demographic re-enters the workforce, our presence is changing the landscape. The question is: Do we proudly wear our years of experience or do we quietly blend in with our more youthful “peers”? How do you feel? How would you answer this question?

Finally, if you check out our new “In The Media” section, you’ll see that we have begun to be noticed by the media. A particularly interesting mention was in the Toronto Star’s “Adventures in Aging” column by writers Josey Vogels and Li Robbins. They have very strong opinions about marketers pushing anti-aging products onto what they refer to as “the silver bullets of marketing” or “primetime women” – 50+ women. Read their “Don’t you even try to define us” and tell us what your opinion is, we want to hear from you!

A defining moment!

For those of you reading the blog, you may recall the first post where I referenced that I was about to have baby #2 - well the time is come for me to head out for my maternity leave and watch this amazing dialogue grow, from the sidelines.

Some lessons I have learned from watching the defineyourself.ca women go through the process:

1) If you don’t know – don’t be afraid to ask!

So many of the questions (and pre-conceived notions) I have had for years about cosmetic enhancements were clarified in five minutes after speaking with the women about their doctor consultations and what really happens, how long a procedure takes etc. While this certainly applies to this topic, it’s a good life reminder as well – ignorance may be bliss but it sure won’t get you anywhere interesting!

2) Our similarities far outweigh the differences

Maybe you’re embracing aging, maybe you are not, but almost every women we have spoken to or heard from (and granted, this is an aging dialogue we’re fostering) does think about it on a regular basis, especially when you hit that 35+ age group. How you decide to address it - if at all – is largely supported as a personal choice by women out there, which was a refreshing outcome for me to realize too. We women need to stick together, regardless of our lifestyles, life choices or life experiences.

3) Vanity is just a six letter word

Webster’s definition of vanity is: “excessive pride in one’s appearance or accomplishments; conceit” After watching these women bare all about aging, it’s obvious that vanity has nothing to do with their wanting to make a change in their appearance

If you’ve watched all the webisodes, I think what you’ll easily pick up from the defineyourself.ca women is that this journey/discovery/experiment has been about wanting to correct/enhance/refine/rejuvenate their appearance. Much of the stigma around cosmetic enhancements is that there seems to be a societal judgment around wanting to look the best you can be - I really hope what we have accomplished to date is to steer the dialogue about aging in a new direction. . . I know it’s had a positive impact on me

Have a great summer and thanks for continuing to be a part of the story!

Alison

And now I pass the torch to your fabulous new blog moderator Karla –

Thank you Alison for the introduction, your fabulous perspective, and great good luck with your new baby! With me, you’re going to get a view from the other side of 50. I’m 51, single and have two boys, aged 19 and 9 – one off to university, one to grade 4 –and have just re-entered the full-time work force after many years of freelancing. I look forward to presenting some ideas that hopefully many of you will relate to or at least have an opinion about. Talk to you soon. Karla

Robina reveals her experience

I knew that Robina’s interview was going to be very revealing. . . Like most women who have had even just a fleeting moment of consideration on having some “work done” on my face or body, I’ve wondered about what meeting a cosmetic physician is really like.

Robina revealed all and gave me (and you) an insider’s look into the doctor’s office.

What are your thoughts?

Lots of feedback this week, and I loved Heather’s comment responding to the topic about women feeling guilty about putting themselves first – you can read her full comment in the blog comments below, but here’s a snippet:

“Since I turned 40 in March I have been feeling really weird and I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong with me. I gave up my career 5 years ago to stay home with my 3 kids. I loved it, but I have come to realize over the last couple of months that I am ready to go back into the workforce. The weirdness I have been feeling is the guilt in wanting to do something for myself. I feel guilty that I want to go to work 9 to 5, when most people would make the comment “Oh, it must be fabulous to stay at home with your kids”. It has been fabulous, but after 5 years I am going to try and do something for myself for a change”

This notion of guilt resurfaced for me again as we launched the defineyourself.ca contest (have you signed up for it yet? Click here to take you to the sign up page) Those of us here at Swing were talking about what we would do if we entered a contest and won $250 cash, and my first instinct was to buy my daughter some new things, and my husband a new tennis racquet – didn’t even think about the new shoes I’ve been coveting and would kill for! I’m not saying I am a saint, but it just reinforced the comments we’ve been getting from so many of you that it is hard to train yourself to ever put yourself first!

The last two webisodes also discussed deliberations and procedures that some of the women were considering, and Darlene sent in a comment about having considered a tummy tuck (I don’t think the cute title truly represents the fact that a ‘tummy tuck’ is surgery! ) “I am 44, have two children and have been struggling with the idea of getting a tummy tuck. I have many fears about the process including recovery time and have been trying to weigh out whether wearing a two piece bathing suit in the summer is worth the potential agony. Is anyone else dealing with a similar dilemma? Am I the only one?”

As I’ve learned from the defineyourself ca women, the best advice is to make a consultation with a doctor – find out exactly what is involved and those fears will either be eliminated or exacerbated, and from there you can make a decision
Anyone been in Darlene’s shoes and had the same fears? What did you do about it? Let’s hear from you!

It’s always nice to have options…

It’s been fascinating to read all the comments to the blog and see the response to the current poll regarding your attitudes towards aging:

Over 718 of you replied to the poll (to date) - and here’s how it broke out:

26% of you said you wear your wrinkles well
23% said “we maintain our cars don’t we
42% said you were glad you were glad to have options
7% said it’s personal

To be honest, in past conversations with other women it often seems taboo to admit you may want to get something done (fillers, surgery) to slow the aging process and/or make yourself look and feel better along the way.

Whether you privately feel you might want to address aging by undergoing some sort of procedure, most women are reluctant to share this - even with their closest friends. I’ve been really curious as to where that stigma comes from. Is it because women are inherently competitive with one another and we don’t want to see someone look better than we do at the same age? Your poll responses have made me realize that times they are a changin’ (to steal from Bob Dylan ;), and I, for one, am glad for it!

A majority of you are indicating that - whether or not you choose to use them - you are really glad there are options out there.

That’s not to say there is not a clear voice from those of you who feel strongly that aging naturally is what is best for you. Many of the comments we received are from this group; you’ve reached a certain age and are proud of the way you look, dammit!

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, from ‘wearing your wrinkles well’ to being happy to have a choice, what Terri Lessard-Seguin said in her comment is what we should all aim for, no matter our age or how we feel about it: “I embrace the years to come, blessed with health, family, and lots of adventure I have yet to discover!”

Next week you’ll meet another of the defineyourself.ca women, if you have not already done so, be sure to check out the latest webisode!

Robin shares her thoughts

We hope you’ve had a chance to meet all the women individually and watch the first webisode in our series following Carol, Maureen, Genevieve, Margaret, Robin and Robina as they shared their motivations around what prompted them to be a part of defineyourself.ca.

From the many comments I’ve received it seems a large number of you out there relate to the thoughts expressed by the women in Webisode 1 and you are intrigued to see what choices each of the women make as they explore the options out there. Some of you feel strongly that aging is nothing to be phased by, Nancy A. comments: “I’m 50 and I look and feel great. Please don’t try to talk us all in to doubting that 50-year-olds can look great with wrinkles, white hair, and skin that is no longer as firm as it was 30 years ago.” We’re thrilled to be receiving all of your thoughts and reactions, our sole purpose is to create an opportunity for dialogue, no matter where you stand on aging well, aging naturally or aging with “a little” (or a lot!) of help.

Our second webisode, launched today, covers personal attitudes towards aging and the inner conflicts that many women have when it comes to addressing the fact that they are aging. I spoke with Robin to learn more and hear how her relationship with her mother impacted her reaction to turning 40.

Meet Margaret - One of the defineyourself.ca women!

I had a chance this week to chat with Margaret, one of the engaging women you’ll meet in the first webisode.

Like all the women, she is self-assured, funny, open, and has her own perspective on aging that I think echos what many of us feel about aging, beauty and society.

I wanted to ask her what it’s been like to be a part of this process and what the reaction was from her friends and family when she told them she was be embarking on this journey. The interview is posted here, I would love to hear your comments and share with the rest of the community, so please be sure to send them in!

Welcome to Defineyourself!

Hello, and welcome to the defineyourself.ca blog!

Just a little about me, your friendly blog moderator. I’m a recently married, 36 years old, about to have my second child, and definitely notice the signs of aging on my face (not to mention my energy level!) I’m an admitted sceptic, somewhat cynical about most things, but would like to think I am open-minded at the same time (it’s possible to be all those things at the same time, right?!). I’m really looking forward to hearing from all of you, and getting an idea of how Canadian women truly feel about aging.

In some ways this is the best time in my life, and I hope that remains the same over the coming years and decades - are you feeling the same? Join me as we uncover what makes us really excited, hopeful, angry and yes, secretly curious, about aging and all the options out there! Take a look at our first webisode, and then click on “Meet the Women” to learn more about this group of women individually - you may see yourself, or someone you know - in each of them.

Our next webisode launches on May 1st, and I am as interested as the rest of you to learn what happens next on their journey. So be sure to stay tuned and if you’re like me and will never remember a date unless it’s engraved on your wrist, sign up to receive each webisode as they are released! I hope you’ve had a chance to go through the site and look at all the features We are looking to build a community of active participants who can really add a voice to the topics we are covering here, so send us your comments, sign up for the newsletter, send us your videos and let us know how YOU feel!

In our next post we’ll hear from one of the women we are following and learn what brought her to want to participate and what this experience has been like for her so far.

Alison