Everyone Seems To Be Doing It

Posted by Sarah Fowles
Co-Founder, Family Friendly Media

Everyone seems to be doing it. Cosmetic surgery, I mean. It amazes me how many of my friends have ‘had work done’ and often people I thought would never succumb to this type of pressure. So I really started to analyze what is going on, rather than just say “Absolutely not me.” I thought perhaps if it could be them, it could be me. What I realized is that they really were not happy with the changes they saw in the mirror and they have the financial means to do something about it; so they did. I then started to realize that perhaps it could be me one day. What if I do wake up and all those fine lines and frown lines are no longer OK and I really don’t like how I look. Then what?

Well, I know I cannot have surgery. I just don’t have enough guts to be honest. So what about injecting products into my skin? I know for a fact that many people in my life would say that I am a prime candidate for injections. To quote a friend of mine, I am a forehead talker and as a result have the lines to show all the laughs and great conversations I have had. So could I inject poisons into my forehead and feel good about it? Well, right now I say no, but if the lines keep getting deeper and deeper, I may have to re-consider.

I feel that I am desperately seeking a solution. As more friends and peers have work done are they going to keep looking better and better and I am just going to keep looking older? What I wish existed was one place that informs you about great products and non-invasive treatments that help you age gracefully. I don’t mind having a few lines but I don’t want to look ancient. I would love to really take great care of my skin, look healthy and look great for my age. If anyone knows of this resource, I would love to hear about it. Or perhaps it is time to start one.

Decisions

I looked in the mirror the other day and thought, “I look okay”. It was a nice feeling. I felt confident and I felt pretty. I stepped back and looked harder. It has been a few months since I visited Dr. Solish’s office and spontaneously decided to allow him to inject my face with fillers to gently soften the effects of aging. I had liked what he did immediately and I am still enjoying the benefits of that decision today. I can’t remember a time in my life when so many people have complimented my appearance. I am dressing the same, I have even put on a little weight, but still it seems people are inclined to comment on my looks. Positively! This is new. And it is wonderful.

It is funny how some choices in life seem so much more difficult then others. The choices we make for ourselves, from which we deem the most benefit, are the ones that give us the most trouble. It is hard to put ourselves, our own interests first. And of those choices, it is the ones that are most visible to those around us that haunt us even more, especially when it comes to cosmetic enhancement. For some reason, over the years, we have been conditioned to think that cosmetic procedures, whether surgical or not, are a reflection of vanity and self absorption. That if someone takes the time and spends the money (often an exaggerated amount) on themselves they are insecure, self centered and shallow.

With these accusations, we also hear how dangerous injectable cosmetics can be and of course that they are addictive. How could you possibly not get pulled into the cycle of refills once you have started the process, no matter how bad it looks? There always seems to be the assumption that the whole procedure will be a disaster. The media is not a friend of cosmetic enhancement for it is rare that you will see a positive article on someone’s experience; rather, they seem to take great pleasure in presenting the “disaster” scenarios. Headlines scream about facelifts gone wrong or breasts that are too large, very seldom does the media complement good work. Of the literally millions of women in America alone who have had some sort of cosmetic enhancement, we hear only of the few who have had issues or results that were unsatisfactory or somehow “flawed”. When will we see a story that reflects the experiences of 99 percent of those who have chosen to assist in their personal “graceful aging?” The positive stories.

My experience was terrific, from the start. The choice was mine and though I suffered from some fairly significant bruising initially, it disappeared quickly and the results were wonderful. Going into the experience with Define Yourself, I had no idea what to expect. I really did not think I would partake in ANY of the services available. I approached the project as a learning experience for myself. An education on what was out there, what procedures were available, should I ever, in my later years, decide it was an avenue of interest to me. I believe that education on any topic provides understanding and that understanding takes away at least some fear and allows one to make a more balanced decision. My decision startled even myself but it came from the heart. I wanted to see what it would be like, to soften my lines and to feel less drawn. I wanted a peak at the possibilities, and that’s what I got. I haven’t been disappointed. I am my own worst critic yet I have actually found myself thinking (on occasion), “I look pretty”, and yes, “I look younger”. It is a really neat feeling. I also feel pride in the fact that I was able to make the decision and that I am not embarrassed to tell people about it.

Cosmetic enhancement may not be for everyone but before making a decision either way, I suggest that any person even remotely interested should educate themselves and trust their instinct. Each person has a different comfort zone; each individual has a different goal. Only you will know what feels best for you, but giving yourself the chance to understand what is available, what is out there is a gift you should give yourself. What you decide, may surprise you.

A defining moment!

For those of you reading the blog, you may recall the first post where I referenced that I was about to have baby #2 - well the time is come for me to head out for my maternity leave and watch this amazing dialogue grow, from the sidelines.

Some lessons I have learned from watching the defineyourself.ca women go through the process:

1) If you don’t know – don’t be afraid to ask!

So many of the questions (and pre-conceived notions) I have had for years about cosmetic enhancements were clarified in five minutes after speaking with the women about their doctor consultations and what really happens, how long a procedure takes etc. While this certainly applies to this topic, it’s a good life reminder as well – ignorance may be bliss but it sure won’t get you anywhere interesting!

2) Our similarities far outweigh the differences

Maybe you’re embracing aging, maybe you are not, but almost every women we have spoken to or heard from (and granted, this is an aging dialogue we’re fostering) does think about it on a regular basis, especially when you hit that 35+ age group. How you decide to address it - if at all – is largely supported as a personal choice by women out there, which was a refreshing outcome for me to realize too. We women need to stick together, regardless of our lifestyles, life choices or life experiences.

3) Vanity is just a six letter word

Webster’s definition of vanity is: “excessive pride in one’s appearance or accomplishments; conceit” After watching these women bare all about aging, it’s obvious that vanity has nothing to do with their wanting to make a change in their appearance

If you’ve watched all the webisodes, I think what you’ll easily pick up from the defineyourself.ca women is that this journey/discovery/experiment has been about wanting to correct/enhance/refine/rejuvenate their appearance. Much of the stigma around cosmetic enhancements is that there seems to be a societal judgment around wanting to look the best you can be - I really hope what we have accomplished to date is to steer the dialogue about aging in a new direction. . . I know it’s had a positive impact on me

Have a great summer and thanks for continuing to be a part of the story!

Alison

And now I pass the torch to your fabulous new blog moderator Karla –

Thank you Alison for the introduction, your fabulous perspective, and great good luck with your new baby! With me, you’re going to get a view from the other side of 50. I’m 51, single and have two boys, aged 19 and 9 – one off to university, one to grade 4 –and have just re-entered the full-time work force after many years of freelancing. I look forward to presenting some ideas that hopefully many of you will relate to or at least have an opinion about. Talk to you soon. Karla

Everything you always wanted to know - but were afraid to ask

Ok, so you’ve reached a certain age - 35,40,41,46 (as I’ve learned from your responses, it’s definitely different for every women…) and it’s inevitable that at some point you start paying more attention to ads that talk about “anti-wrinkle” or “covering your grey” or “improving your skin elasticity”.

I’d love to know what the silent agreement among advertisers is – at what age of the female demographic do they suddenly flick the switch from appealing to our youthful vanity to promoting aging “gracefully” or “hiding the signs of aging”? But it’s true, suddenly the “maybe I’m born with it or maybe I’m not” ads have less resonance, and the “noticeably reduces wrinkle” ads capture my attention (albeit briefly. . .)

So, I unabashedly admit I was really looking forward to seeing what happened in the newest defineyourself.ca webisode, because while I have yet to make up my own mind about whether or not I’d have “something done” I am definitely paying more attention these days to television & print ads that talk about the “benefits” of cosmetic enhancements – and it made me realize I don’t even know where I’d begin if I had made the decision

Part of the experience for the defineyourself.ca women was to meet with a highly qualified doctor to find out what happens in a consultation and discuss their options, which you’ll see in this weeks webisode.

If you’ve never considered any of the options out there, it can be overwhelming and intimidating - so a consultation with a reputable doctor is a must…and doing some research in advance is also an absolute must. One of the best sites I’ve come across (it’s a US site) is: www.newbeauty.com an online version of New Beauty Magazine that focuses on cosmetic enhancements – and answers all the questions you probably have been asking yourself - if you’ve considered having any procedure done, and gives you detailed information on products and the actual procedures and the differences and benefits of each.

A good Canadian site is www.restylane.ca, created by our sponsor Medicis. Besides in-depth information on their Restylane product, the Restylane.ca website also has a search tool for Canadian cosmetic physicians across the country.

A little knowledge goes a long way - and just like you research a vacation, or anything else important in your life, if you’re going to take the next step and address the aging you are seeing, you need to have all the tools in hand; research, a good doctor, and the knowledge that they are using the best products on the market.

We’ll meet Robina soon and hear more about her experience and what she decided after her consultation, stay tuned this week!

Seeing both sides

I was really looking forward to talking with Maureen this week - she shared some insights into what has had an impact on her attitudes towards cosmetic procedures, what it was like to come together and meet the other defineyourself.ca women at the “Roundtable”, and what has surprised her the most about going through this process.

Read my interview with her, here.

It’s always nice to have options…

It’s been fascinating to read all the comments to the blog and see the response to the current poll regarding your attitudes towards aging:

Over 718 of you replied to the poll (to date) - and here’s how it broke out:

26% of you said you wear your wrinkles well
23% said “we maintain our cars don’t we
42% said you were glad you were glad to have options
7% said it’s personal

To be honest, in past conversations with other women it often seems taboo to admit you may want to get something done (fillers, surgery) to slow the aging process and/or make yourself look and feel better along the way.

Whether you privately feel you might want to address aging by undergoing some sort of procedure, most women are reluctant to share this - even with their closest friends. I’ve been really curious as to where that stigma comes from. Is it because women are inherently competitive with one another and we don’t want to see someone look better than we do at the same age? Your poll responses have made me realize that times they are a changin’ (to steal from Bob Dylan ;), and I, for one, am glad for it!

A majority of you are indicating that - whether or not you choose to use them - you are really glad there are options out there.

That’s not to say there is not a clear voice from those of you who feel strongly that aging naturally is what is best for you. Many of the comments we received are from this group; you’ve reached a certain age and are proud of the way you look, dammit!

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, from ‘wearing your wrinkles well’ to being happy to have a choice, what Terri Lessard-Seguin said in her comment is what we should all aim for, no matter our age or how we feel about it: “I embrace the years to come, blessed with health, family, and lots of adventure I have yet to discover!”

Next week you’ll meet another of the defineyourself.ca women, if you have not already done so, be sure to check out the latest webisode!

Are you a sinker or a sagger?

Oprah’s been all about the aging lately. There is a great feature on aging gracefully in the latest issue of O magazine and last Thursday’s show talked about a variety of ways you can slow or manage the aging process. She also talked about some treatments with dermatologist Pat Wexler recently.

My personal favourite anti-aging tip is the preparation H on those bags under your eyes - but read more before you try that one! What are your favourite tips for looking young? Submit to tips@defineyourself.ca and we’ll list the best in a future blog entry!