Words of Wisdom

By Elizabeth Grant


Women are always coming up to me and asking how I do it.  I’ve been stopped in malls, airports, and walking down the street.  Women want to know- how can they look and feel their best at ANY age?  While there is no secret formula or fountain of youth, every woman can benefit from a little graceful aging advice.

I don’t stop- and when I say this, I mean that I don’t stop living life as I always have. I’m now in my late eighties, and I haven’t stopped my philanthropy, I haven’t stopped working, I haven’t stop traveling the world, I haven’t stopped learning, and most importantly- I haven’t stopped DREAMING.  Life does not stop at 40, 50, 60, or even 70.

My determination and perseverance also keeps me strong and young at heart.  I never lose sight of the fact I started my company in the 1950’s when it was very unusual for women to be running businesses.  As a younger woman, I faced many obstacles that I had to push through.  I suffered skin damage to my face and lost a great deal of confidence for a time.  But, I had (and still do!) dreams and goals and I pushed through. 

As a woman in my vintage years now, I face different obstacles. My philosophy is the same as it was in my younger years- keep following your dreams and maintain a passion for life in every aspect.  I have had amazing achievements at an age when most retire.  There is a new breed of women coming about and I am a part of it.  Today women are living longer, healthier, and happier lives than ever before- and that is why I wish to inspire you with the knowledge that it is never too late to follow your dreams.

For those of you who wish for a few quick simple tips for feeling and looking more youthful, here is my advice:

• Take care of your skin! Moisturize. Follow a skin care regime designed for your skin type.
• Stay out of the sun. Always wear sun block.
• Drink lots of water.  I drink at least 8 glasses a day.
• Get your beauty sleep.
• Exercise.  I still love to dance and I take the time to do it every day.

Just remember- you are as young as you feel.  I know I feel youthful and as a result, my vitality radiates from the inside out.

Wishing you all to look and feel your best and your greatest success at any age,

The Changing Face of Work for Women

Dale Brownlee

I am part of the early cohort of Canadian women that worked by choice in noticeable numbers. For us, the first noticeable change was that women’s jobs began to include a broadening range of opportunities that had formerly been closed to most women. In case I paint too rosy a picture, that broadening range of opportunities was horizontal, not vertical!

We got comments like “I think you are selfish to work – you should be having children”, or “It is too bad you HAVE to work.” The famous glass ceiling either did not exist then, or it was made of cement! And there was no shortage of unacceptable comments on our dress and appearance.

Today’s data shows increasing percentages of women in the workplace and in management, and decreasing wage gaps between men and women. And I think that women are now an accepted part of most Canadian workforces. But at the same time women face a huge new challenge that we did not – having to compete not only with men, but also with lots of other women.

Along with that, in the last 5 or so years before I retired, I couldn’t help but notice a disturbing change happening. My generation of women workers were able to depend on each other for support, workplace friendship, a helpful ear. Today’s women are as busy as men focusing on upward mobility. While this is a natural progression, I was distressed to see it accompanied by the formerly male territories of protecting turf, fighting off challengers, and neutralizing the influence of competent (mainly female) colleagues.

Maybe this is a temporary phenomenon and women will be able to return to the true skills of mentoring, supporting and promoting one another. Until that happens however, I have to admit to relief that I am now (happily) retired and out of the range of fire of those I used to consider supporters.

Women lie about their age, but not the way you think!

According to a recent 'Lie About Your Age' contest and survey conducted by Define Yourself, over 50% of women surveyed admitted to lying about their age and 30% of those shared that they say they are 5-10 years older, not younger! These results were initially surprising but when we dug a little deeper we learned that women enjoyed the positive, disbelieving reaction from others. Ultimately it is not about the age but the feeling of looking good in other people's eyes.

In going into this survey we anticipated that we would learn much about women and the negative reasons why they felt pressured to lie about their age, but what came through loud and clear is that women are more liberated than ever before. As one woman proclaimed 'At age 34, I realized that I looked good for 34 but if I said I was 44, I would look amazing!". Crazy? No. Onto something? Maybe!

The Media: Beauty or Reality?

Do we really want to do away with all media portraying beautiful airbrushed women and the latest fashions that they dawn? How boring our lives would be if we didn’t have something to read in our fleeting moments of escapism where we enjoy flipping through a fashion magazine and admiring the images, the women, the big picture. Because that’s what women do. We don’t want to BE those women. We just enjoy the splendor and the beauty of it all. The aspirational, fantasy-like feeling that we enjoy when taking a moment for ourselves.

As women 40+ we are coming into our own. We are celebrating who we are and what we want and how we define ourselves. We are intellectual beings who make independent decisions and enjoy the comfort of having made it through those awkward 20’s and 30’s where it just hadn’t all come together …..YET. Well, here we are. What role does the media play for us now? What role do we want it to play? Should it censor and protect us or should it freely express and leave it up to us to interpret? As consumers, aren’t we smarter than many give us credit for?

Aging

This year I have turned 50. Yes, the BIG five oh. Everyone seems to have a comment. “You don’t look fifty!” “People over fifty shouldn’t wear a two piece.” Most often though, the question “what is it like to be…fifty?” “Do you feel older?”

Well, it’s not much different then being 49 years and 14 months really, it’s only a number. I feel much the same as I did at 45 and even at 40. Sure I have a few more aches and pains on rainy days. I feel a little stiff when I wake in the morning, but nothing a good healthy stretch doesn’t dissipate. I linger a little longer in a hot bath, just because. Additionally, I have learned to appreciate my body, to listen to it, to care for it and to relax within it. I am getting older yes, but how am I aging, that should be the question. I think they are two separate states of being.

Webster’s dictionary gives older and aging very similar definitions (OLDER: is having lived or existed for a comparatively long time, far advanced in years or life, AGING is the length of time during which a being or thing has existed).

I define them differently. OLDER is a term of measurement of our years (out of our control), AGING is how we carry our years (totally within our control).

By my definition, though I am “older”, I am “aging” well. I am physically active, running or working out on a regular basis. I look at the world with fresh eyes everyday. I laugh a lot and cry a little. I keep busy and try to stay healthy, taking care of my body inside (diet) and out (skin care, etc.).

As I have gotten older, I have learned that doing things for yourself does not mean you are selfish or self centered. It means that you understand the importance of ensuring you are healthy and happy in order to be able to be the best you can be to those, and for those, around you, including yourself. This has been a very long and hard lesson for me to learn (and I think it is so for many women) but it sure helps when making decisions on how we will care for ourselves and how we will manage the aging process. When it comes to taking care of your skin or deciding it is time to “do something,” it is necessary to have the confidence in your ability to make a good decision. It is important to feel in control of your body and of your choices, and to be able to exercise that control.

When I was recently at Dr. Solish’s office to have a consultation, I experienced an amazing sense of control of my own aging process when I agreed to have a procedure completed without consultation with anyone in my family. Even though my children had requested that I not do “anything”, I really felt I wanted to try. I wanted to see the change, to experience the effect and I wanted to do it FOR MYSELF. I wasn’t being self centered, I wasn’t being selfish, I was making a conscious choice that I wanted to represent myself and consciously participate in the aging process. The decision to go forward with the procedure was indeed very spontaneous. It was also very empowering. I laughed when I made it and I smile now when I think of it. I have always wanted to age gracefully, my decision that day, helped me to soften the graceful aging of my body.
Being fifty is just a number. Though through the dictionary definition I may be OLD, the decision to take control of my aging process is what has set this time in my life apart from the rest. It is a time of growth and confidence and delightful change. Going forward I will consciously work to slowly grow old with grace.

Robin shares her thoughts

We hope you’ve had a chance to meet all the women individually and watch the first webisode in our series following Carol, Maureen, Genevieve, Margaret, Robin and Robina as they shared their motivations around what prompted them to be a part of defineyourself.ca.

From the many comments I’ve received it seems a large number of you out there relate to the thoughts expressed by the women in Webisode 1 and you are intrigued to see what choices each of the women make as they explore the options out there. Some of you feel strongly that aging is nothing to be phased by, Nancy A. comments: “I’m 50 and I look and feel great. Please don’t try to talk us all in to doubting that 50-year-olds can look great with wrinkles, white hair, and skin that is no longer as firm as it was 30 years ago.” We’re thrilled to be receiving all of your thoughts and reactions, our sole purpose is to create an opportunity for dialogue, no matter where you stand on aging well, aging naturally or aging with “a little” (or a lot!) of help.

Our second webisode, launched today, covers personal attitudes towards aging and the inner conflicts that many women have when it comes to addressing the fact that they are aging. I spoke with Robin to learn more and hear how her relationship with her mother impacted her reaction to turning 40.

It’s swimsuit season…gulp!

It’s inevitable that as spring approaches we are inundated with “get your best body now” and “101 swimsuits to hide those flaws” coverage in television talk shows, magazines and newspapers. True, as a Canadian having lived or worked on both coasts, having weather warm enough to wear a swimsuit in, is fairly exciting. What always gets me is the messaging directed at women. There may be many of us who feel comfortable flaunting our post-baby/post- 20’s/post-surgery, bodies around at a cottage or resort in the summer, but for those that do not look forward to it with the same ease, it does not mean we live in abject fear of the occasion.A great friend of mine, in her mid 50’s will be the first to admit her shape and skin tone have definitely changed as she has aged, but she’s athletic, takes great care of herself (she’s training for a marathon this year) and sees no reason why she needs to run and hide herself in a basic black one-piece with a “skirt”. “My kids, who are in their 20’s are always a little taken aback when I unveil my new suit for the summer - I’m not comfortable in a bikini (but good for anyone at my age who is!) - but I like bright coloured, sexy swimwear, and I make no apologies for it! “The irony here of course is that as more and more women are taking care of themselves, exercising and eating right and are proud of how they look as they age, the sun is making it less and less of a good idea to flaunt it all. We may all end up in ‘adult-sized’ sun-safe one-piece suits (one of my favourite Canadian retailers, MEC - www.mec.ca currently makes great ones for infants and children) someday soon!

What’s your real age?

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but at some point a few years ago I realized the age I was, based on my birthdate, was much older than the age I feel. Does this sound familiar? At some point you see yourself as a certain age, and you don’t imagine you’ve gotten any older. For me, I always feel about 28. That may sound a little young (close to a decade younger than my actual age) but that’s my “real” age – at least to me…

So when those constant life reminders give me a jolt back to reality (you walk by a group of younger men who, in your prime may have at least acknowledged your existence, and who now barely register your presence, or you realize now you are in the 35+ or 40+ or 55+ category when filling out a form) it’s common, at least for me, to do a “reality” check.

That reality check can manifest itself in a number of ways; you try on the jeans that correspond to your “real” age to reassure yourself you can still pull them off, you hit the Holt Renfrew beauty counters or the ones at the Bay and buy something that makes you feel really current (“White eyeshadow all over InStyle I’m buying it!”) or you plan a night out with your girlfriends, in the hippest part of town where you used to spend many nights before you got married, had two kids and thoughts of going downtown seemed like much more of an effort than it is worth.

The best of both worlds is when you can straddle both – embrace the age you are, and look and feel good having arrived at it. Until then, with each birthday, I continue to secretly celebrate my 28^th birthday…again