Decisions

I looked in the mirror the other day and thought, “I look okay”. It was a nice feeling. I felt confident and I felt pretty. I stepped back and looked harder. It has been a few months since I visited Dr. Solish’s office and spontaneously decided to allow him to inject my face with fillers to gently soften the effects of aging. I had liked what he did immediately and I am still enjoying the benefits of that decision today. I can’t remember a time in my life when so many people have complimented my appearance. I am dressing the same, I have even put on a little weight, but still it seems people are inclined to comment on my looks. Positively! This is new. And it is wonderful.

It is funny how some choices in life seem so much more difficult then others. The choices we make for ourselves, from which we deem the most benefit, are the ones that give us the most trouble. It is hard to put ourselves, our own interests first. And of those choices, it is the ones that are most visible to those around us that haunt us even more, especially when it comes to cosmetic enhancement. For some reason, over the years, we have been conditioned to think that cosmetic procedures, whether surgical or not, are a reflection of vanity and self absorption. That if someone takes the time and spends the money (often an exaggerated amount) on themselves they are insecure, self centered and shallow.

With these accusations, we also hear how dangerous injectable cosmetics can be and of course that they are addictive. How could you possibly not get pulled into the cycle of refills once you have started the process, no matter how bad it looks? There always seems to be the assumption that the whole procedure will be a disaster. The media is not a friend of cosmetic enhancement for it is rare that you will see a positive article on someone’s experience; rather, they seem to take great pleasure in presenting the “disaster” scenarios. Headlines scream about facelifts gone wrong or breasts that are too large, very seldom does the media complement good work. Of the literally millions of women in America alone who have had some sort of cosmetic enhancement, we hear only of the few who have had issues or results that were unsatisfactory or somehow “flawed”. When will we see a story that reflects the experiences of 99 percent of those who have chosen to assist in their personal “graceful aging?” The positive stories.

My experience was terrific, from the start. The choice was mine and though I suffered from some fairly significant bruising initially, it disappeared quickly and the results were wonderful. Going into the experience with Define Yourself, I had no idea what to expect. I really did not think I would partake in ANY of the services available. I approached the project as a learning experience for myself. An education on what was out there, what procedures were available, should I ever, in my later years, decide it was an avenue of interest to me. I believe that education on any topic provides understanding and that understanding takes away at least some fear and allows one to make a more balanced decision. My decision startled even myself but it came from the heart. I wanted to see what it would be like, to soften my lines and to feel less drawn. I wanted a peak at the possibilities, and that’s what I got. I haven’t been disappointed. I am my own worst critic yet I have actually found myself thinking (on occasion), “I look pretty”, and yes, “I look younger”. It is a really neat feeling. I also feel pride in the fact that I was able to make the decision and that I am not embarrassed to tell people about it.

Cosmetic enhancement may not be for everyone but before making a decision either way, I suggest that any person even remotely interested should educate themselves and trust their instinct. Each person has a different comfort zone; each individual has a different goal. Only you will know what feels best for you, but giving yourself the chance to understand what is available, what is out there is a gift you should give yourself. What you decide, may surprise you.

Aging

This year I have turned 50. Yes, the BIG five oh. Everyone seems to have a comment. “You don’t look fifty!” “People over fifty shouldn’t wear a two piece.” Most often though, the question “what is it like to be…fifty?” “Do you feel older?”

Well, it’s not much different then being 49 years and 14 months really, it’s only a number. I feel much the same as I did at 45 and even at 40. Sure I have a few more aches and pains on rainy days. I feel a little stiff when I wake in the morning, but nothing a good healthy stretch doesn’t dissipate. I linger a little longer in a hot bath, just because. Additionally, I have learned to appreciate my body, to listen to it, to care for it and to relax within it. I am getting older yes, but how am I aging, that should be the question. I think they are two separate states of being.

Webster’s dictionary gives older and aging very similar definitions (OLDER: is having lived or existed for a comparatively long time, far advanced in years or life, AGING is the length of time during which a being or thing has existed).

I define them differently. OLDER is a term of measurement of our years (out of our control), AGING is how we carry our years (totally within our control).

By my definition, though I am “older”, I am “aging” well. I am physically active, running or working out on a regular basis. I look at the world with fresh eyes everyday. I laugh a lot and cry a little. I keep busy and try to stay healthy, taking care of my body inside (diet) and out (skin care, etc.).

As I have gotten older, I have learned that doing things for yourself does not mean you are selfish or self centered. It means that you understand the importance of ensuring you are healthy and happy in order to be able to be the best you can be to those, and for those, around you, including yourself. This has been a very long and hard lesson for me to learn (and I think it is so for many women) but it sure helps when making decisions on how we will care for ourselves and how we will manage the aging process. When it comes to taking care of your skin or deciding it is time to “do something,” it is necessary to have the confidence in your ability to make a good decision. It is important to feel in control of your body and of your choices, and to be able to exercise that control.

When I was recently at Dr. Solish’s office to have a consultation, I experienced an amazing sense of control of my own aging process when I agreed to have a procedure completed without consultation with anyone in my family. Even though my children had requested that I not do “anything”, I really felt I wanted to try. I wanted to see the change, to experience the effect and I wanted to do it FOR MYSELF. I wasn’t being self centered, I wasn’t being selfish, I was making a conscious choice that I wanted to represent myself and consciously participate in the aging process. The decision to go forward with the procedure was indeed very spontaneous. It was also very empowering. I laughed when I made it and I smile now when I think of it. I have always wanted to age gracefully, my decision that day, helped me to soften the graceful aging of my body.
Being fifty is just a number. Though through the dictionary definition I may be OLD, the decision to take control of my aging process is what has set this time in my life apart from the rest. It is a time of growth and confidence and delightful change. Going forward I will consciously work to slowly grow old with grace.

Wear our experience?

If you’ve tuned into our latest webisode, you’ll hear our ladies talking about the treatments they had, how they felt before and during consultation, then after their respective procedures. Robina talks about being shy to disclose to her group of friends because of their pre-conceived notions about treatment. In the end, all were thrilled with the results, noting that it was the subtlety of their individual outcomes that were most pleasing. Friends and family noticed that they looked “fresh” and “great” without knowing that they had had anything done.

So, is it how we feel about ourselves or how others view us that guides our decisions? And, as more of the “post raising kids” demographic re-enters the workforce, our presence is changing the landscape. The question is: Do we proudly wear our years of experience or do we quietly blend in with our more youthful “peers”? How do you feel? How would you answer this question?

Finally, if you check out our new “In The Media” section, you’ll see that we have begun to be noticed by the media. A particularly interesting mention was in the Toronto Star’s “Adventures in Aging” column by writers Josey Vogels and Li Robbins. They have very strong opinions about marketers pushing anti-aging products onto what they refer to as “the silver bullets of marketing” or “primetime women” – 50+ women. Read their “Don’t you even try to define us” and tell us what your opinion is, we want to hear from you!

Karla chimes in

Hello and welcome to my first blog entry. If you’ll recall, I’m your new moderator, Karla. With me, you’re going to get a view from the other side of 50. I’m 51, single and have two boys, aged 19 and 9 – one off to university, one to grade 4 – and have just re-entered the full-time work force after many years of freelancing (you’ll hear more about that in my next blog entry). I look forward to presenting some ideas that hopefully many of you will relate to or at least have an opinion about.

We have an update from your fabulous former blog moderator Alison. She has just become the proud mother of baby #2, a beautiful 7lb 9oz boy. ‘Twas a bit of a rough go, but mom and baby are doing great, and mom will will take some well deserved r&r. And thank goodness for grandmothers – Alison’s mom. She has jumped into full time doula duty and will run the show for a bit until Alison’s back on her feet.

As a belligerent, rebellious teenager, I used to fight with my mother at every turn – about everything. Ever since my first child was born, we’ve become buddies. We’re still very different people, but we’ve come to appreciate each other in a way that can only happen when you share common experiences – such as having children. And although we’re twenty something years apart, we’ve got more in common than ever before. Since I don’t have the same urgent need to assert myself, I’m so much more open to what she has to say – which is often insightful. How about you? Do you feel closer or not to the elder females in your life? Do you have more or less in common with them now than when you were a teenager? Submit your responses here.

I’d like to thank you Alison, for your great perspective, and wish you great good luck with your new son.

A defining moment!

For those of you reading the blog, you may recall the first post where I referenced that I was about to have baby #2 - well the time is come for me to head out for my maternity leave and watch this amazing dialogue grow, from the sidelines.

Some lessons I have learned from watching the defineyourself.ca women go through the process:

1) If you don’t know – don’t be afraid to ask!

So many of the questions (and pre-conceived notions) I have had for years about cosmetic enhancements were clarified in five minutes after speaking with the women about their doctor consultations and what really happens, how long a procedure takes etc. While this certainly applies to this topic, it’s a good life reminder as well – ignorance may be bliss but it sure won’t get you anywhere interesting!

2) Our similarities far outweigh the differences

Maybe you’re embracing aging, maybe you are not, but almost every women we have spoken to or heard from (and granted, this is an aging dialogue we’re fostering) does think about it on a regular basis, especially when you hit that 35+ age group. How you decide to address it - if at all – is largely supported as a personal choice by women out there, which was a refreshing outcome for me to realize too. We women need to stick together, regardless of our lifestyles, life choices or life experiences.

3) Vanity is just a six letter word

Webster’s definition of vanity is: “excessive pride in one’s appearance or accomplishments; conceit” After watching these women bare all about aging, it’s obvious that vanity has nothing to do with their wanting to make a change in their appearance

If you’ve watched all the webisodes, I think what you’ll easily pick up from the defineyourself.ca women is that this journey/discovery/experiment has been about wanting to correct/enhance/refine/rejuvenate their appearance. Much of the stigma around cosmetic enhancements is that there seems to be a societal judgment around wanting to look the best you can be - I really hope what we have accomplished to date is to steer the dialogue about aging in a new direction. . . I know it’s had a positive impact on me

Have a great summer and thanks for continuing to be a part of the story!

Alison

And now I pass the torch to your fabulous new blog moderator Karla –

Thank you Alison for the introduction, your fabulous perspective, and great good luck with your new baby! With me, you’re going to get a view from the other side of 50. I’m 51, single and have two boys, aged 19 and 9 – one off to university, one to grade 4 –and have just re-entered the full-time work force after many years of freelancing. I look forward to presenting some ideas that hopefully many of you will relate to or at least have an opinion about. Talk to you soon. Karla

Robina reveals her experience

I knew that Robina’s interview was going to be very revealing. . . Like most women who have had even just a fleeting moment of consideration on having some “work done” on my face or body, I’ve wondered about what meeting a cosmetic physician is really like.

Robina revealed all and gave me (and you) an insider’s look into the doctor’s office.