Can your looks prevent you from getting that promotion or close that deal?

Krizia from www.myBeautyMatch.com

It seems that when it comes to answering this question, women fall into two camps: 1) those who think that it’s all about what you have to bring (aka: your skills and your intelligence) and 2) those who think that their message can only go further if they present themselves in a certain way.

A lot of women still think that taking time for themselves to present themselves in the best light is vain.

Historically, vanity has never been a trait one aspires to. Who wants to be labeled as shallow, petty, weak, and self-centered? No one really wants to be perceived as being vain…at least no one wants to be vain and have others notice it.

But this begs the question: Are we not all a little vain? If we didn’t have the slightest penchant for vanity, we’d all throw our mirrors out the window because we’d have no use to admire ourselves in attempt to looking our best.

Truth be told, we do care about our appearances and we do care about how we are perceived by others. This resonates even louder as we age.

Now, I want to make sure that I’m clear here, I’m not talking about being or becoming a people-pleaser and I’m not saying that others should define who we are. Nah, what I’m saying is that the way we present ourselves has bearing on our own self-esteem but also on how others perceive us.

This is where the title of this post comes in. There are certain things that remain unsaid, but if you are in position that represents the company you work for or if you’re in a profession that requires you to negotiate, your appearance could help you make or break a deal.

Some of us are lucky enough to have a gene pool and/or a lifestyle that will take us well into our seventies with minimal medical interference. But for others, a little help from our cosmetic dermatologist or plastic surgeon might be required if we intend on looking a certain way as we age.

Today ageism is a bit more subtle. No one will tell you that you look tired all the time and that clients are not responding all that well to the image your project, instead, a younger colleague might start getting more clients or deals than you or perhaps you might not even be part of the list for that new coveted promotion.

I have an excellent example of a school teacher who had very strained relationships with her students (who feared her) and on parent nights, few parents really wanted to interact with her. This school teacher (who was in her mid 30s) had a strong frown muscle that made her look angry all the time. A friend of hers suggested Botox® and ever since, this school teacher’s relationships with her students, peers and parents of her students have changed radically.

Can the anti-aging industry become an industry of pure vanity that strives to attain an unreachable image of perfection and eternal youth? Is it possible to walk around with an exaggerated frozen expression because of too much Botox®? Can we go overboard with too many cosmetic procedures in too short of a time period? Yes, of course, and there are too many examples to remind of us of the flip side of the anti-aging industry.

The goal here is to find a middle ground — somewhere between obsessive pursuit of beauty myths and just not caring enough about one’s appearance. That’s where most of us would hope to be as we age…and it is not particularly a bad thing.

Let’s put it out there — vanity is not all that bad. After all, it’s an undisputable fact that we feel better when we look better. We might want to brush it off as being futile, but there seems to be something deeply ingrained — perhaps deeper than any social pattern – that makes us feel better about ourselves when we look our best.

Furthermore, we send some messages that are completely unrelated to beauty when we look our best. It tells others that we care about ourselves. It communicates a sense of respect for our health and well-being. It also demonstrates a level of respect for others that we take the time and effort necessary to look good prior to dealing with them. It shows the world that we take it, and ourselves, seriously.

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