Why Aging is Like Parenting

Cindy Ball, Principal
Smart Ass

During the past few weeks I’ve had a bit of a revelation; aging is a lot like parenting. I know all you young gals out there are thinking what the heck is she talking about? I’m 42 (not exactly old given 40 is the new 30 – right!) and my oldest daughter (I have three in total) is 9 years old. I’ve been parenting and, as luck would have it, aging for 10 years (including my pregnancy of course). I look back at the pictures when I was pregnant with # 1 and I looked so YOUNG. My aging definitely kicked into high gear after babies started popping out!

So back to my revelation. When you first become a parent you REALLY believe your parenting is shaping your child and that they’re perfectly behaved because of all your wonderful parenting. It’s the old nurture vs. nature argument. If you were blessed with an easy going first child you think you’re God’s gift to parenting. Then whamo, # 2 or 3 arrives, you do the same things and the outcome is different! It’s a bit like when you’re young with perfect, wrinkle free skin. You think it’s something you’re doing and then whamo, those wrinkles start to roll in and then one day you look down and instead of your hands typing on your laptop – your mother’s hands are tapping away!

I’m coming to believe that much of how we age and how our kids behave hinges on our genes. Of course, there are some basics on the aging side; don’t fry yourself in the sun, wear sunscreen, don’t smoke – we all know them. And on the parenting side; talk to your kids, feed them well, read to them, plug those nasty outlets with little white plastic things so the kids don’t fry themselves! Yes, there are things we can do as parents and as aging women to help things turn out okay BUT don’t be too hard on yourself sometimes it’s just the way it is! Accept it - temper tantrum throwing children, laugh lines, wrinkly hands – all of it.

The main reason I think parenting is like aging is because you should NEVER judge a parent with children older than yours or a woman with skin older than yours – NEVER! Parents-to-be need to learn this in pre-natal class. It’s as important as learning when to push. I remember when #1 was still a blob of a baby visiting with friends who had older children and thinking “I will never let my children eat French Fries, run around by themselves, stay up late” you fill in your own list of “nevers”. Fast forward a few years and my girls are doing all this and much worse. The same goes for being young and fresh faced. Please don’t criticize those aging blazers ahead of you. If they decide that microdermabrasion, lasers or injections is the path they need to follow, so be it. Please don’t judge them until you’ve walked a mile in their wrinkles!

So there you have it, my thoughts on parenting and aging – good luck on both fronts!

Cindy Ball and her business partner Alix Cameron own Smart Ass Lingerie. Between them they have five children and their fair share of wrinkles. Check out their fabulous lingerie at http://www.smartassgals.com/ .

Everyone Seems To Be Doing It

Posted by Sarah Fowles
Co-Founder, Family Friendly Media

Everyone seems to be doing it. Cosmetic surgery, I mean. It amazes me how many of my friends have ‘had work done’ and often people I thought would never succumb to this type of pressure. So I really started to analyze what is going on, rather than just say “Absolutely not me.” I thought perhaps if it could be them, it could be me. What I realized is that they really were not happy with the changes they saw in the mirror and they have the financial means to do something about it; so they did. I then started to realize that perhaps it could be me one day. What if I do wake up and all those fine lines and frown lines are no longer OK and I really don’t like how I look. Then what?

Well, I know I cannot have surgery. I just don’t have enough guts to be honest. So what about injecting products into my skin? I know for a fact that many people in my life would say that I am a prime candidate for injections. To quote a friend of mine, I am a forehead talker and as a result have the lines to show all the laughs and great conversations I have had. So could I inject poisons into my forehead and feel good about it? Well, right now I say no, but if the lines keep getting deeper and deeper, I may have to re-consider.

I feel that I am desperately seeking a solution. As more friends and peers have work done are they going to keep looking better and better and I am just going to keep looking older? What I wish existed was one place that informs you about great products and non-invasive treatments that help you age gracefully. I don’t mind having a few lines but I don’t want to look ancient. I would love to really take great care of my skin, look healthy and look great for my age. If anyone knows of this resource, I would love to hear about it. Or perhaps it is time to start one.

The Media: Beauty or Reality?

Do we really want to do away with all media portraying beautiful airbrushed women and the latest fashions that they dawn? How boring our lives would be if we didn’t have something to read in our fleeting moments of escapism where we enjoy flipping through a fashion magazine and admiring the images, the women, the big picture. Because that’s what women do. We don’t want to BE those women. We just enjoy the splendor and the beauty of it all. The aspirational, fantasy-like feeling that we enjoy when taking a moment for ourselves.

As women 40+ we are coming into our own. We are celebrating who we are and what we want and how we define ourselves. We are intellectual beings who make independent decisions and enjoy the comfort of having made it through those awkward 20’s and 30’s where it just hadn’t all come together …..YET. Well, here we are. What role does the media play for us now? What role do we want it to play? Should it censor and protect us or should it freely express and leave it up to us to interpret? As consumers, aren’t we smarter than many give us credit for?

Decisions

I looked in the mirror the other day and thought, “I look okay”. It was a nice feeling. I felt confident and I felt pretty. I stepped back and looked harder. It has been a few months since I visited Dr. Solish’s office and spontaneously decided to allow him to inject my face with fillers to gently soften the effects of aging. I had liked what he did immediately and I am still enjoying the benefits of that decision today. I can’t remember a time in my life when so many people have complimented my appearance. I am dressing the same, I have even put on a little weight, but still it seems people are inclined to comment on my looks. Positively! This is new. And it is wonderful.

It is funny how some choices in life seem so much more difficult then others. The choices we make for ourselves, from which we deem the most benefit, are the ones that give us the most trouble. It is hard to put ourselves, our own interests first. And of those choices, it is the ones that are most visible to those around us that haunt us even more, especially when it comes to cosmetic enhancement. For some reason, over the years, we have been conditioned to think that cosmetic procedures, whether surgical or not, are a reflection of vanity and self absorption. That if someone takes the time and spends the money (often an exaggerated amount) on themselves they are insecure, self centered and shallow.

With these accusations, we also hear how dangerous injectable cosmetics can be and of course that they are addictive. How could you possibly not get pulled into the cycle of refills once you have started the process, no matter how bad it looks? There always seems to be the assumption that the whole procedure will be a disaster. The media is not a friend of cosmetic enhancement for it is rare that you will see a positive article on someone’s experience; rather, they seem to take great pleasure in presenting the “disaster” scenarios. Headlines scream about facelifts gone wrong or breasts that are too large, very seldom does the media complement good work. Of the literally millions of women in America alone who have had some sort of cosmetic enhancement, we hear only of the few who have had issues or results that were unsatisfactory or somehow “flawed”. When will we see a story that reflects the experiences of 99 percent of those who have chosen to assist in their personal “graceful aging?” The positive stories.

My experience was terrific, from the start. The choice was mine and though I suffered from some fairly significant bruising initially, it disappeared quickly and the results were wonderful. Going into the experience with Define Yourself, I had no idea what to expect. I really did not think I would partake in ANY of the services available. I approached the project as a learning experience for myself. An education on what was out there, what procedures were available, should I ever, in my later years, decide it was an avenue of interest to me. I believe that education on any topic provides understanding and that understanding takes away at least some fear and allows one to make a more balanced decision. My decision startled even myself but it came from the heart. I wanted to see what it would be like, to soften my lines and to feel less drawn. I wanted a peak at the possibilities, and that’s what I got. I haven’t been disappointed. I am my own worst critic yet I have actually found myself thinking (on occasion), “I look pretty”, and yes, “I look younger”. It is a really neat feeling. I also feel pride in the fact that I was able to make the decision and that I am not embarrassed to tell people about it.

Cosmetic enhancement may not be for everyone but before making a decision either way, I suggest that any person even remotely interested should educate themselves and trust their instinct. Each person has a different comfort zone; each individual has a different goal. Only you will know what feels best for you, but giving yourself the chance to understand what is available, what is out there is a gift you should give yourself. What you decide, may surprise you.

Aging

This year I have turned 50. Yes, the BIG five oh. Everyone seems to have a comment. “You don’t look fifty!” “People over fifty shouldn’t wear a two piece.” Most often though, the question “what is it like to be…fifty?” “Do you feel older?”

Well, it’s not much different then being 49 years and 14 months really, it’s only a number. I feel much the same as I did at 45 and even at 40. Sure I have a few more aches and pains on rainy days. I feel a little stiff when I wake in the morning, but nothing a good healthy stretch doesn’t dissipate. I linger a little longer in a hot bath, just because. Additionally, I have learned to appreciate my body, to listen to it, to care for it and to relax within it. I am getting older yes, but how am I aging, that should be the question. I think they are two separate states of being.

Webster’s dictionary gives older and aging very similar definitions (OLDER: is having lived or existed for a comparatively long time, far advanced in years or life, AGING is the length of time during which a being or thing has existed).

I define them differently. OLDER is a term of measurement of our years (out of our control), AGING is how we carry our years (totally within our control).

By my definition, though I am “older”, I am “aging” well. I am physically active, running or working out on a regular basis. I look at the world with fresh eyes everyday. I laugh a lot and cry a little. I keep busy and try to stay healthy, taking care of my body inside (diet) and out (skin care, etc.).

As I have gotten older, I have learned that doing things for yourself does not mean you are selfish or self centered. It means that you understand the importance of ensuring you are healthy and happy in order to be able to be the best you can be to those, and for those, around you, including yourself. This has been a very long and hard lesson for me to learn (and I think it is so for many women) but it sure helps when making decisions on how we will care for ourselves and how we will manage the aging process. When it comes to taking care of your skin or deciding it is time to “do something,” it is necessary to have the confidence in your ability to make a good decision. It is important to feel in control of your body and of your choices, and to be able to exercise that control.

When I was recently at Dr. Solish’s office to have a consultation, I experienced an amazing sense of control of my own aging process when I agreed to have a procedure completed without consultation with anyone in my family. Even though my children had requested that I not do “anything”, I really felt I wanted to try. I wanted to see the change, to experience the effect and I wanted to do it FOR MYSELF. I wasn’t being self centered, I wasn’t being selfish, I was making a conscious choice that I wanted to represent myself and consciously participate in the aging process. The decision to go forward with the procedure was indeed very spontaneous. It was also very empowering. I laughed when I made it and I smile now when I think of it. I have always wanted to age gracefully, my decision that day, helped me to soften the graceful aging of my body.
Being fifty is just a number. Though through the dictionary definition I may be OLD, the decision to take control of my aging process is what has set this time in my life apart from the rest. It is a time of growth and confidence and delightful change. Going forward I will consciously work to slowly grow old with grace.

Wear our experience?

If you’ve tuned into our latest webisode, you’ll hear our ladies talking about the treatments they had, how they felt before and during consultation, then after their respective procedures. Robina talks about being shy to disclose to her group of friends because of their pre-conceived notions about treatment. In the end, all were thrilled with the results, noting that it was the subtlety of their individual outcomes that were most pleasing. Friends and family noticed that they looked “fresh” and “great” without knowing that they had had anything done.

So, is it how we feel about ourselves or how others view us that guides our decisions? And, as more of the “post raising kids” demographic re-enters the workforce, our presence is changing the landscape. The question is: Do we proudly wear our years of experience or do we quietly blend in with our more youthful “peers”? How do you feel? How would you answer this question?

Finally, if you check out our new “In The Media” section, you’ll see that we have begun to be noticed by the media. A particularly interesting mention was in the Toronto Star’s “Adventures in Aging” column by writers Josey Vogels and Li Robbins. They have very strong opinions about marketers pushing anti-aging products onto what they refer to as “the silver bullets of marketing” or “primetime women” – 50+ women. Read their “Don’t you even try to define us” and tell us what your opinion is, we want to hear from you!

Karla chimes in

Hello and welcome to my first blog entry. If you’ll recall, I’m your new moderator, Karla. With me, you’re going to get a view from the other side of 50. I’m 51, single and have two boys, aged 19 and 9 – one off to university, one to grade 4 – and have just re-entered the full-time work force after many years of freelancing (you’ll hear more about that in my next blog entry). I look forward to presenting some ideas that hopefully many of you will relate to or at least have an opinion about.

We have an update from your fabulous former blog moderator Alison. She has just become the proud mother of baby #2, a beautiful 7lb 9oz boy. ‘Twas a bit of a rough go, but mom and baby are doing great, and mom will will take some well deserved r&r. And thank goodness for grandmothers – Alison’s mom. She has jumped into full time doula duty and will run the show for a bit until Alison’s back on her feet.

As a belligerent, rebellious teenager, I used to fight with my mother at every turn – about everything. Ever since my first child was born, we’ve become buddies. We’re still very different people, but we’ve come to appreciate each other in a way that can only happen when you share common experiences – such as having children. And although we’re twenty something years apart, we’ve got more in common than ever before. Since I don’t have the same urgent need to assert myself, I’m so much more open to what she has to say – which is often insightful. How about you? Do you feel closer or not to the elder females in your life? Do you have more or less in common with them now than when you were a teenager? Submit your responses here.

I’d like to thank you Alison, for your great perspective, and wish you great good luck with your new son.

A defining moment!

For those of you reading the blog, you may recall the first post where I referenced that I was about to have baby #2 - well the time is come for me to head out for my maternity leave and watch this amazing dialogue grow, from the sidelines.

Some lessons I have learned from watching the defineyourself.ca women go through the process:

1) If you don’t know – don’t be afraid to ask!

So many of the questions (and pre-conceived notions) I have had for years about cosmetic enhancements were clarified in five minutes after speaking with the women about their doctor consultations and what really happens, how long a procedure takes etc. While this certainly applies to this topic, it’s a good life reminder as well – ignorance may be bliss but it sure won’t get you anywhere interesting!

2) Our similarities far outweigh the differences

Maybe you’re embracing aging, maybe you are not, but almost every women we have spoken to or heard from (and granted, this is an aging dialogue we’re fostering) does think about it on a regular basis, especially when you hit that 35+ age group. How you decide to address it - if at all – is largely supported as a personal choice by women out there, which was a refreshing outcome for me to realize too. We women need to stick together, regardless of our lifestyles, life choices or life experiences.

3) Vanity is just a six letter word

Webster’s definition of vanity is: “excessive pride in one’s appearance or accomplishments; conceit” After watching these women bare all about aging, it’s obvious that vanity has nothing to do with their wanting to make a change in their appearance

If you’ve watched all the webisodes, I think what you’ll easily pick up from the defineyourself.ca women is that this journey/discovery/experiment has been about wanting to correct/enhance/refine/rejuvenate their appearance. Much of the stigma around cosmetic enhancements is that there seems to be a societal judgment around wanting to look the best you can be - I really hope what we have accomplished to date is to steer the dialogue about aging in a new direction. . . I know it’s had a positive impact on me

Have a great summer and thanks for continuing to be a part of the story!

Alison

And now I pass the torch to your fabulous new blog moderator Karla –

Thank you Alison for the introduction, your fabulous perspective, and great good luck with your new baby! With me, you’re going to get a view from the other side of 50. I’m 51, single and have two boys, aged 19 and 9 – one off to university, one to grade 4 –and have just re-entered the full-time work force after many years of freelancing. I look forward to presenting some ideas that hopefully many of you will relate to or at least have an opinion about. Talk to you soon. Karla

Robina reveals her experience

I knew that Robina’s interview was going to be very revealing. . . Like most women who have had even just a fleeting moment of consideration on having some “work done” on my face or body, I’ve wondered about what meeting a cosmetic physician is really like.

Robina revealed all and gave me (and you) an insider’s look into the doctor’s office.

What are your thoughts?

Lots of feedback this week, and I loved Heather’s comment responding to the topic about women feeling guilty about putting themselves first – you can read her full comment in the blog comments below, but here’s a snippet:

“Since I turned 40 in March I have been feeling really weird and I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong with me. I gave up my career 5 years ago to stay home with my 3 kids. I loved it, but I have come to realize over the last couple of months that I am ready to go back into the workforce. The weirdness I have been feeling is the guilt in wanting to do something for myself. I feel guilty that I want to go to work 9 to 5, when most people would make the comment “Oh, it must be fabulous to stay at home with your kids”. It has been fabulous, but after 5 years I am going to try and do something for myself for a change”

This notion of guilt resurfaced for me again as we launched the defineyourself.ca contest (have you signed up for it yet? Click here to take you to the sign up page) Those of us here at Swing were talking about what we would do if we entered a contest and won $250 cash, and my first instinct was to buy my daughter some new things, and my husband a new tennis racquet – didn’t even think about the new shoes I’ve been coveting and would kill for! I’m not saying I am a saint, but it just reinforced the comments we’ve been getting from so many of you that it is hard to train yourself to ever put yourself first!

The last two webisodes also discussed deliberations and procedures that some of the women were considering, and Darlene sent in a comment about having considered a tummy tuck (I don’t think the cute title truly represents the fact that a ‘tummy tuck’ is surgery! ) “I am 44, have two children and have been struggling with the idea of getting a tummy tuck. I have many fears about the process including recovery time and have been trying to weigh out whether wearing a two piece bathing suit in the summer is worth the potential agony. Is anyone else dealing with a similar dilemma? Am I the only one?”

As I’ve learned from the defineyourself ca women, the best advice is to make a consultation with a doctor – find out exactly what is involved and those fears will either be eliminated or exacerbated, and from there you can make a decision
Anyone been in Darlene’s shoes and had the same fears? What did you do about it? Let’s hear from you!

Everything you always wanted to know - but were afraid to ask

Ok, so you’ve reached a certain age - 35,40,41,46 (as I’ve learned from your responses, it’s definitely different for every women…) and it’s inevitable that at some point you start paying more attention to ads that talk about “anti-wrinkle” or “covering your grey” or “improving your skin elasticity”.

I’d love to know what the silent agreement among advertisers is – at what age of the female demographic do they suddenly flick the switch from appealing to our youthful vanity to promoting aging “gracefully” or “hiding the signs of aging”? But it’s true, suddenly the “maybe I’m born with it or maybe I’m not” ads have less resonance, and the “noticeably reduces wrinkle” ads capture my attention (albeit briefly. . .)

So, I unabashedly admit I was really looking forward to seeing what happened in the newest defineyourself.ca webisode, because while I have yet to make up my own mind about whether or not I’d have “something done” I am definitely paying more attention these days to television & print ads that talk about the “benefits” of cosmetic enhancements – and it made me realize I don’t even know where I’d begin if I had made the decision

Part of the experience for the defineyourself.ca women was to meet with a highly qualified doctor to find out what happens in a consultation and discuss their options, which you’ll see in this weeks webisode.

If you’ve never considered any of the options out there, it can be overwhelming and intimidating - so a consultation with a reputable doctor is a must…and doing some research in advance is also an absolute must. One of the best sites I’ve come across (it’s a US site) is: www.newbeauty.com an online version of New Beauty Magazine that focuses on cosmetic enhancements – and answers all the questions you probably have been asking yourself - if you’ve considered having any procedure done, and gives you detailed information on products and the actual procedures and the differences and benefits of each.

A good Canadian site is www.restylane.ca, created by our sponsor Medicis. Besides in-depth information on their Restylane product, the Restylane.ca website also has a search tool for Canadian cosmetic physicians across the country.

A little knowledge goes a long way - and just like you research a vacation, or anything else important in your life, if you’re going to take the next step and address the aging you are seeing, you need to have all the tools in hand; research, a good doctor, and the knowledge that they are using the best products on the market.

We’ll meet Robina soon and hear more about her experience and what she decided after her consultation, stay tuned this week!

Seeing both sides

I was really looking forward to talking with Maureen this week - she shared some insights into what has had an impact on her attitudes towards cosmetic procedures, what it was like to come together and meet the other defineyourself.ca women at the “Roundtable”, and what has surprised her the most about going through this process.

Read my interview with her, here.

Do You (Ever?) Put Yourself First?

As women, I think we are often discouraged (silently or outwardly) from putting ourselves first - whether it’s a mentality we’ve gleaned from our own mothers, or from the messages in the media out there (how many cough and cold commercials for infants and babies show the father being the one to administer the medication at night while the mother slumbers away peacefully !?!).

I know it’s a fact that many of us often put our needs, wants desires and goals last - behind family, friends, careers - even our houses… I talked about all this, this week, with Genevieve, one of our fabulous defineyourself.ca women.

Ask yourself this question: how often do you effortlessly - and without guilt - put yourself first?

Click here to read my full interview.

It’s always nice to have options…

It’s been fascinating to read all the comments to the blog and see the response to the current poll regarding your attitudes towards aging:

Over 718 of you replied to the poll (to date) - and here’s how it broke out:

26% of you said you wear your wrinkles well
23% said “we maintain our cars don’t we
42% said you were glad you were glad to have options
7% said it’s personal

To be honest, in past conversations with other women it often seems taboo to admit you may want to get something done (fillers, surgery) to slow the aging process and/or make yourself look and feel better along the way.

Whether you privately feel you might want to address aging by undergoing some sort of procedure, most women are reluctant to share this - even with their closest friends. I’ve been really curious as to where that stigma comes from. Is it because women are inherently competitive with one another and we don’t want to see someone look better than we do at the same age? Your poll responses have made me realize that times they are a changin’ (to steal from Bob Dylan ;), and I, for one, am glad for it!

A majority of you are indicating that - whether or not you choose to use them - you are really glad there are options out there.

That’s not to say there is not a clear voice from those of you who feel strongly that aging naturally is what is best for you. Many of the comments we received are from this group; you’ve reached a certain age and are proud of the way you look, dammit!

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, from ‘wearing your wrinkles well’ to being happy to have a choice, what Terri Lessard-Seguin said in her comment is what we should all aim for, no matter our age or how we feel about it: “I embrace the years to come, blessed with health, family, and lots of adventure I have yet to discover!”

Next week you’ll meet another of the defineyourself.ca women, if you have not already done so, be sure to check out the latest webisode!

Robin shares her thoughts

We hope you’ve had a chance to meet all the women individually and watch the first webisode in our series following Carol, Maureen, Genevieve, Margaret, Robin and Robina as they shared their motivations around what prompted them to be a part of defineyourself.ca.

From the many comments I’ve received it seems a large number of you out there relate to the thoughts expressed by the women in Webisode 1 and you are intrigued to see what choices each of the women make as they explore the options out there. Some of you feel strongly that aging is nothing to be phased by, Nancy A. comments: “I’m 50 and I look and feel great. Please don’t try to talk us all in to doubting that 50-year-olds can look great with wrinkles, white hair, and skin that is no longer as firm as it was 30 years ago.” We’re thrilled to be receiving all of your thoughts and reactions, our sole purpose is to create an opportunity for dialogue, no matter where you stand on aging well, aging naturally or aging with “a little” (or a lot!) of help.

Our second webisode, launched today, covers personal attitudes towards aging and the inner conflicts that many women have when it comes to addressing the fact that they are aging. I spoke with Robin to learn more and hear how her relationship with her mother impacted her reaction to turning 40.

Meet Margaret - One of the defineyourself.ca women!

I had a chance this week to chat with Margaret, one of the engaging women you’ll meet in the first webisode.

Like all the women, she is self-assured, funny, open, and has her own perspective on aging that I think echos what many of us feel about aging, beauty and society.

I wanted to ask her what it’s been like to be a part of this process and what the reaction was from her friends and family when she told them she was be embarking on this journey. The interview is posted here, I would love to hear your comments and share with the rest of the community, so please be sure to send them in!

It’s swimsuit season…gulp!

It’s inevitable that as spring approaches we are inundated with “get your best body now” and “101 swimsuits to hide those flaws” coverage in television talk shows, magazines and newspapers. True, as a Canadian having lived or worked on both coasts, having weather warm enough to wear a swimsuit in, is fairly exciting. What always gets me is the messaging directed at women. There may be many of us who feel comfortable flaunting our post-baby/post- 20’s/post-surgery, bodies around at a cottage or resort in the summer, but for those that do not look forward to it with the same ease, it does not mean we live in abject fear of the occasion.A great friend of mine, in her mid 50’s will be the first to admit her shape and skin tone have definitely changed as she has aged, but she’s athletic, takes great care of herself (she’s training for a marathon this year) and sees no reason why she needs to run and hide herself in a basic black one-piece with a “skirt”. “My kids, who are in their 20’s are always a little taken aback when I unveil my new suit for the summer - I’m not comfortable in a bikini (but good for anyone at my age who is!) - but I like bright coloured, sexy swimwear, and I make no apologies for it! “The irony here of course is that as more and more women are taking care of themselves, exercising and eating right and are proud of how they look as they age, the sun is making it less and less of a good idea to flaunt it all. We may all end up in ‘adult-sized’ sun-safe one-piece suits (one of my favourite Canadian retailers, MEC - www.mec.ca currently makes great ones for infants and children) someday soon!

Welcome to Defineyourself!

Hello, and welcome to the defineyourself.ca blog!

Just a little about me, your friendly blog moderator. I’m a recently married, 36 years old, about to have my second child, and definitely notice the signs of aging on my face (not to mention my energy level!) I’m an admitted sceptic, somewhat cynical about most things, but would like to think I am open-minded at the same time (it’s possible to be all those things at the same time, right?!). I’m really looking forward to hearing from all of you, and getting an idea of how Canadian women truly feel about aging.

In some ways this is the best time in my life, and I hope that remains the same over the coming years and decades - are you feeling the same? Join me as we uncover what makes us really excited, hopeful, angry and yes, secretly curious, about aging and all the options out there! Take a look at our first webisode, and then click on “Meet the Women” to learn more about this group of women individually - you may see yourself, or someone you know - in each of them.

Our next webisode launches on May 1st, and I am as interested as the rest of you to learn what happens next on their journey. So be sure to stay tuned and if you’re like me and will never remember a date unless it’s engraved on your wrist, sign up to receive each webisode as they are released! I hope you’ve had a chance to go through the site and look at all the features We are looking to build a community of active participants who can really add a voice to the topics we are covering here, so send us your comments, sign up for the newsletter, send us your videos and let us know how YOU feel!

In our next post we’ll hear from one of the women we are following and learn what brought her to want to participate and what this experience has been like for her so far.

Alison

Au natural?

I recently noticed Janet Gretzky on the latest cover of Chatelaine, and all I can say is, ‘wow’. For a woman who is 46 with five kids, and an undoubtedly busy lifestyle (though I am sure she has help - nanny/cook etc.) she looks fantastic. I’m not sure about you, but now that we are all so well-versed in how magazine covers are manipulated using photoshop or even stand-ins on occasion (a celebrity’s face on someone else’s body) I’m a little more jaded. I’m not implying Janet Gretzky does not look that good in person, she’s always been a very attractive woman, but it’s a bit comforting to know that it likely took a cast of many (hair, makeup, wardrobe and perhaps a graphic designer back at the magazine office!) to get her looking that good.

Just think if we had that kind of help everytime we stepped out the front door….!

What’s your real age?

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but at some point a few years ago I realized the age I was, based on my birthdate, was much older than the age I feel. Does this sound familiar? At some point you see yourself as a certain age, and you don’t imagine you’ve gotten any older. For me, I always feel about 28. That may sound a little young (close to a decade younger than my actual age) but that’s my “real” age – at least to me…

So when those constant life reminders give me a jolt back to reality (you walk by a group of younger men who, in your prime may have at least acknowledged your existence, and who now barely register your presence, or you realize now you are in the 35+ or 40+ or 55+ category when filling out a form) it’s common, at least for me, to do a “reality” check.

That reality check can manifest itself in a number of ways; you try on the jeans that correspond to your “real” age to reassure yourself you can still pull them off, you hit the Holt Renfrew beauty counters or the ones at the Bay and buy something that makes you feel really current (“White eyeshadow all over InStyle I’m buying it!”) or you plan a night out with your girlfriends, in the hippest part of town where you used to spend many nights before you got married, had two kids and thoughts of going downtown seemed like much more of an effort than it is worth.

The best of both worlds is when you can straddle both – embrace the age you are, and look and feel good having arrived at it. Until then, with each birthday, I continue to secretly celebrate my 28^th birthday…again

Are you a sinker or a sagger?

Oprah’s been all about the aging lately. There is a great feature on aging gracefully in the latest issue of O magazine and last Thursday’s show talked about a variety of ways you can slow or manage the aging process. She also talked about some treatments with dermatologist Pat Wexler recently.

My personal favourite anti-aging tip is the preparation H on those bags under your eyes - but read more before you try that one! What are your favourite tips for looking young? Submit to tips@defineyourself.ca and we’ll list the best in a future blog entry!